Yesterday morning we were woken up by a phone call saying that our insurance denied coverage of my procedure that i was already scheduled for, and due in for the first appointment later that day. Oh, and i only had 2 hours to figure out how to pay for it out of pocket or they would have to cancel all of my appointments. Never mind the fact that i was only given 2 hours to figure all this out, i was also given the run around from every phone number i was provided to try and set up a payment plan.
Keep in mind all we were told was it was going to be anywhere from $5000-$6000. I thought it was hard coming up with an extra $400 for a plane ticket to the east coast (which i didn't). I haven't worked much in the last month or so due to pregnancy complications and now because of all this. I am not getting paid to be off, so being told we need thousands of dollars in a few days was completely out of the question.
When I inquired about WHY this was being denied i was told that it basically came down to insurance companies being influenced by religious groups. Because this procedure isn't "life threatening" to me, its not considered necessary. Despite being deemed "necessary" by our doctors for all of us, we are considered a gray area in the medical world. To our doctors, this procedure is 100% the best option for our situation, to our insurance this isn't an option at all. It made me more confident in our decision that we were doing the right thing when i had to spend hours fighting for it to happen. I couldn't believe how judgemental these medical 'professionals' were until they heard the whole story and only then did they want to help. In the end, we didn't get any help because of the stupid gray area we were stuck in. We are borrowing money from various resources to make this happen on time, because the only thing i am sure of, is the longer my pregnancy progresses it becomes a worse situation for all of us to be in. I still cant believe that outside forces can influence a service that we pay money into for our well being can make decisions based on what they like or don't like. It really just blows my mind.
By the time we figured everything out and that our appointments were still scheduled we had to rush to pack for the bay and get on the road. We had to stop at my doctors office (which has been in my home town since i had planned to deliver there) to pick up documentation to prove that my procedure was necessary- a last attempt to prove to insurance that they're ass holes, then off to our appointment with the surgeon. I have been debating on weather or not i should write what the appointment was like. I have always been an open book and i always believe that honest writing is the best writing. However, I am also a person that can consider all sides to a situation and even if i don't agree with them, i can respect them. So i will make this easy... if you don't want to know what my procedure was like please skip the next paragraph, if you do then read on. (I still wont put too much detail because its not needed.)
When we got to the surgeon's office i was surprised how nice the nurses were. At my OB when we went in for the consultation on which procedure i wanted the nurses wouldn't even look me in the eye. It was my first taste of being judged for making the decisions we have. So naturally, I expected the same, but they were all so nice and didn't treat me like I was a monster. They were even compassionate when I couldn't hide how anxious and scared I was. The surgeon reassured us that we were making the right decision and offered her condolences and talked to me like she understood how I was feeling. I think I did a pretty good job of hiding my terror for most of it, my husband might disagree. She explained what today's appointment was for (I wasn't ready to hear it any of the other times they tried to explain). Basically they were going to insert these wooden rods that would absorb all the liquid surrounding my cervix which would cause me to dilate. I was good up until it came time to start. By that point my fear and all the other emotions i was feeling took over and I started to cry. Kev came to sit next to me and hold my hand while they worked on me but I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't stop thinking that there was no going back now, and I kept trying to figure out how this had become my life. How in the world did this become my reality and why couldn't that phone call that morning have been that they had made a terrible mistake and our son was perfectly fine. I think it really hit me that we were at the beginning of the end. I started to really loose it after about 15 minutes between my emotions and the pain I was feeling (the worst cramps of my life.. probably what contractions feel like) that I really thought i was going to faint. I felt myself getting hot, my breaths were getting shorter and sharper and i could hear my heart beat in my head. Luckily the sweet nurse and the surgeon could tell that I was at my limit and decided we were done for the day. I have to go back for round 2 of the same today and I'm completely terrified.
I keep telling myself that all the pain I'm feeling emotionally and physically is MORE than worth it so my son doesn't have to ever be in pain. After everything we've been through in the last few weeks I feel like together we can take on anything. I wish that i was better at covering up the pain I feel so that my husband doesn't have to see it. Without him I really don't know where I would be in all this, to be cliche' he is my rock... more than my rock, he's my whole... mountain I guess. The fact that he can look at me and know to hold my hand, or to remind me he loves me is what helps me keep going.
I feel very blessed to have someone like him in my life, that this situation has only brought us closer together when I'm told a lot of couples don't survive these kinds of situations. We also feel so blessed that all of the people that we love have been showering us with support and prayers. We have a hard time talking about it, because it makes us very emotional but we couldn't be more thankful to all the people who have declared to wear blue tomorrow for our son. When I wrote about it in a previous post we never dreamed that so many people would want to show their support and wear blue too. I know it sounds cheesy but knowing that there will be this 'world of blue' as someone put it, will make that day a little better. We want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words, texts, private messages, prayers, good thoughts and e-mails. When we were ready to read them it was so wonderful, and from the bottom of our hearts we thank you, love you, and appreciate you.
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