Making Plans

I am finding out that one of the things that helps me feel better, is to make plans. I haven't done anything too far out in the future yet, but setting these little goals and then actually taking steps to put them into motion has given me comfort that I didn't expect. Here are some things we have going on:

Today we met with the tattoo artist about our memorial tattoos for Mason. We have decided on different variations of a little blue foot print. Kev is going to go a bit bigger than me and is going to have a frame around the foot print and Mason's name, and it will be on the inside of his bicep. I am still trying to decide on how much I want to add to my footprint. I will put it on the back of my shoulder, but I am still not sure if I just want the foot print or that and some kind of border like the artist suggested. I'm usually a less is more kinda girl, but he thinks it will look strange just floating around on my shoulder. Both of them will be done so that we can add to them later.

The placement of our tattoos was important. Originally, I liked the idea that we were going to get them on the sides of our stomachs so that when we stood together they would touch. Then Kev decided he wanted it on his arm and I was scared of stretch marks going through it in the future and switched to my shoulder blade. Then we thought well... he can get his on his right arm (because he's right handed) and I'll get mine on my left shoulder blade (because I'm left handed) and then we discovered because of our height difference they would still touch if we hugged. THEN the artist suggested that we both get them on our right side, because it's closest to our hearts- and I mean, how could you not agree to that logic? So we made plans to do it right before Valentines Day as our gifts to each other.

We also had another important appointment today, with our new Marriage and Family Therapist. I picked her because she specialized in grief and trauma. I think mental health is this taboo subject for a lot of people, but we are going through something that is way out of our understanding so I knew this would be an important step for us. After meeting with her tonight, I feel even more confident in our decision. She made us feel like we were normal, instead of the 'living in a fishbowl' feeling I was starting to get. I went back to work for the first time yesterday and to say it was rough is an understatement, and she made me feel ok about it.

She basically let us know that our anger and confusion is completely normal. She confirmed that everything we've been doing are the right steps for us. She told us that we weren't crazy (although we feel it at times) and made us feel completely comfortable with our actions, thoughts and feelings. I think it was really great decision to go together, because for me it's nice to hear my husband talk to someone besides me. It makes me feel better knowing he is being cared for too, because I still worry every day that he isn't getting what he needs. I know for him, he likes that I'm trying to talk it out. It still surprises me that he knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and he proved it again in our session.

It's also nice to hear from someone that knows nothing about us, that we are a great match. I know how lucky I am to have my husband, and I know we make people want to puke when we get into our cute mode, but to hear a medical professional tell us that we are exactly what the other one needs to get through this, is amazing. It was also nice to hear her tell us that she doesn't think we will need her for long, it was comforting I suppose.

The last few days have been good days, so I really hope that we can keep setting these little goals and that our healing continues and we keep growing closer (if that's even possible) as we go through this journey together.