The 1st 6 Weeks- Round 2!

A few days ago I had the idea to go back to my 1st 6 Weeks Post to see if I stuck to my ideas and practices that I felt pretty passionate about regarding parenting. This morning I decided today was as good a day as any and guess what... it was on April 23, 2013 that I wrote that original post! Exactly 1 year ago today... how's that for a funny coincidence? I didn't even realize it had been 6 weeks... it still feels like yesterday was MY birthday... so I got a little laugh out of that one. Anyway, I figured it would be fun to see what I've kept up with a year later and what I've thrown out the window. You can read the detailed post in the link above, I'm going to condense last year's answers in this post (because we all know I can get word-y!)

Co-Sleeping
BEFORE: There was no way in hell the baby was going to sleep in our bed! This was something my husband and I both agreed on.
LAST YEAR: I am pretty proud to say that the baby has slept in her own bed in her own room since the day we brought her home. We do a night feeding around 9pm and she typically sleeps until 3:30 and on rare occasions 5:30

NOW: This is still pretty consistent only she started sleeping much longer around 2 months- from 9pm to 7:30am. She's always woken up at 7:30am on the dot.. on the rare occasion that she'll wake up in the middle of the night (usually due to a cold or something) we'll bring her into bed with us and I'll nurse her back to sleep and daddy will put her back again. Very rarely do we all fall asleep and she ends up staying in bed with us. It's not often at all, but I have to admit- on those nights I can see why people love Co-Sleeping... a cute little cuddle muffin snuggled in next to you? What's not to love? The mornings in our bed our my favorite- when she wakes up I go in and get her and she gives me a kiss (melt!) and then we go cuddle in my bed to have her morning feeding and we all have a cuddle fest with Daddy. Ahhhh... the best!

Baby-Wearing
BEFORE: I have read many books on the subject of Attachment Parenting and as a whole I just can't get on board. I don't think breast feeding until age 2 is for me, nor is co-sleeping and I really don't think baby-wearing was in the cards either.
LAST YEAR: I already had a bad back but after the first few times of trying to haul Averie in her car seat and the pain it would inflict on my back each time I am re-thinking my stance on the baby slings. I'll have to report back once I actually get it in the mail and try it out, but my hopes are high.

NOW: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Man was I dumb! Baby wearing was my savior on every trip, grocery store outing, long walk, every time I had to cook or clean... I have no qualms admitting my pre-conceived notions about this were 100% WRONG. I love baby wearing and I'll do it again with the next one. Hold on while I wipe a tear from laughing so hard at myself...

Breast Feeding/Schedule
BEFORE: I love schedules and keeping order and look forward to knowing that I would have to feed her every few hours. Basically I love knowing what to expect. As far as actual breast feeding, well you can read my last post to get the real skinny on that topic. Update: I wasn't so crazy about it.
LAST YEAR: Despite all my issues with breast feeding I FREAKING LOVE IT! Unless an outside factor messes with it (a long car ride, an appointment that runs late ect) she eats on all the odd hours. I stopped waking her up every 2 hours at night after the 2 week mark.

NOW: Still loving it baby! We are over the recommended year mark, and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. I still don't think I'll be nursing past 2, but for now I am still loving it. She now has 3 solid meals a day, so we have added in more whole milk mixed with breast milk bottles into the daily mix. I was worried I would get looks from strangers as I continued to nurse in public (a lot of times without a cover these days!) as she got older but she's so tiny people don't give me a 2nd look haha!

Setting Boundaries
BEFORE: My therapist helped me put steps in order to establish boundaries with family and friends for after Averie's arrival. We followed through, asking the appropriate people to help and make sure to get the message out there that we needed at least 30 days before we were ready for visitors or to have anyone meet her.
LAST YEAR: Basically not a single person listened and we were bombarded from the minute she was born. This is a hard thing to be mad at though, because when you feel that kind of love and excitement over your child from all the people you love- you naturally want to share in that with them. There were other boundaries I was worried about to, with my mom and my mother in law. I didn't try to pre-plan for them like visitors because I wasn't sure what would bother me and what wouldn't. I'm doing my best to talk to them about things as they come up but sometimes it is hard, because lets face it, there are far worse things than excited grandparents. I do have to remind them that she's MY baby and to back off a bit, but like I said it's hard to be upset over too-much love. It's a good problem to have ;) Update: I left this one in word for word because it's still pretty relevant to how I feel today.
NOW: Everything is basically the same as last year. I spend a lot of time trying to navigate what bothers me and what doesn't. I have embraced help a little more as I've gone back to work but I still hate when anyone tries to tell me what to do in regards to Averie, or if they question why I am doing something. Some things never change, I still prefer to do things myself. It's exhausting constantly explaining why we do things the way we do, and I find that almost everyone wants to defend their choices when I decline their advice. I guess it's just part of mommy hood...

Electronics/TV Being On
BEFORE: I felt very strongly against Averie having electronic toys or having a screen of some kind shoved in her face.
LAST YEAR: At 6 weeks it's still hard to really prove that I still feel this way. As far as the TV being on it is, but not all of the time. Right now, I spend most of my day alone nursing and I haven't mastered the art of one-handed reading while keeping the baby latched so I do have it on during those times because it's hands free entertainment.
NOW: It is with great pleasure that I report back that I have stuck to my guns on this one. Most of our family and friends has respected the way we feel about this, and haven't given her any toys to challenge us. She has lots of toys that play music, lots of wooden toys, dolls, and tons of kitchen toys (which are her favorite strange enough). We have a few episodes of Sesame Street recorded on the DVR for emergency distractions but she really isn't into TV. When she has been up sick in the middle of the night and even the boob doesn't console her, we will turn it on but even then she doesn't sit still long enough to get into it. I still watch as much TV as I always have, but she doesn't care much about it. She would rather play, and that makes me insanely happy.

Date Nights
BEFORE: Honestly, I couldn't fathom not having any time to be a couple or time to myself. I said from the very beginning that I would make sure my husband and I acted like the couple we always were... but with a baby.
LAST YEAR: I'm happy to be wrong. I am so obsessed with my daughter that I am now the one who won't shut up about their kid. It's easy to forget the little things as a couple when you have this huge task of parenting constantly on your mind. There have been many times where I sat and thought "I just want my husband back" but sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility have different effects on everyone. It's also important to remember you are going through all these changes together, and have to adapt together.
NOW: I'm not going to lie, this is still something we are navigating our way through on a day by day basis. Take away sleep deprivation and add new stresses like moving, finances, new jobs (or lack thereof) and there is still a long list of things that are happy to get in the way of your marriage, and they will- if you let them. There are times when our marriage is on the back burner and there are times when it's front and center. The key is the balance of the two, and realizing that the shift is natural and ok, as long as you don't get too comfortable on either side.

Exercise
BEFORE: I was adamant that as soon as the baby is out I was going to get back into my pre-pregnancy exercise regimen.
LAST YEAR: My husband and I went and signed up for a local gym membership and I plan to resume all my zumba/u jamm/dance classes.
NOW: Since moving, I haven't really had a chance to get into a serious exercise regimen. One, we can't afford a gym membership, and two, finding the time between the baby, keeping our marriage alive, home renovations, never ending holidays and an all around lack of motivation (there are no sidewalks here!) I have to just own up to the fact that I've been slacking. I did change my diet (check out this post for more on that) I've lost 13lbs and am on track to lose more. I'll add exercise in eventually but for now I'm pretty happy with the path I'm on.

Parenting Style
BEFORE: I honestly didn't know there were such classifications as parenting styles. I just knew people I idolized as great parents for the 'do' file and then the people I would watch and put in the 'do not do' file.
LAST YEAR: I do (or plan to do) a mixture of the following...
1. Attachment parenting- I really like the philosophy of showing your baby through close contact that you care and are present for her and her needs.
NOW: I'm not sure if Attachment Parenting is the reason or if it's the boob, but Averie is super attached to me. When she was little, she didn't care who was holding her but now all she ever wants is Mommy. For the most part, I absolutely love it! There are times though, when I need to get things done and it's super difficult when she only wants to be held by me. She's newly walking now, so maybe that will help. Although crawling didn't, so I won't hold my breath. I'm not putting on a show or trying to be sappy, but when she won't let me out of her grip I try to remind myself that one day she won't want to be with me 24/7 and it really helps me to embrace this time in her life.
2. "Fockerizing" Basically you just shower your child with love and give constant encouragement.
NOW: I am not under the delusion that my child is perfect, she isn't. I just don't see the point in being anything but positive when she is this age. If she does something I don't like, I take the appropriate action. I will continue to encourage all appropriate behaviors, accomplishments, and milestones.
3. Affirmative parenting- Instead of saying "No! Don't jump on the bed!" you focus on the positive outcome you would like and say "Feet on the floor". Basically you find ways to avoid shutting down behaviors and focusing on what is causing them and how to steer a bad behavior into a positive outcome.
NOW: I'm happy to report that we have actually kept up with this and even got the grandparents to get on board. You don't realize how much you say "no" on a daily basis before your make the conscious effort to remove it. Averie does listen when I say "hands off please" or "come over here" when I want her to get away from something.

Baby Care (Gross stuff)
BEFORE: I swore up and down I wouldn't change a poopy diaper.. that included any puke or boogers.
LAST YEAR: I actually look forward to all diapers. I love any excuse to meet her needs.
NOW: I'm pretty indifferent. I don't look forward to it and I don't dread it. I'm also not itching to start any early potty training... we're good in this department. Oh, I also no longer puke when I see a booger! So, that's news!

Being By-The-Book
BEFORE: I stayed by the book for my entire pregnancy and did what I was told.
LAST YEAR: I just don't think that another mom's suggestion 'because it worked for me' reasoning is better than someone's with a medical degree.
NOW: Some things don't change ;) Although, I did stop reading What to Expect The 1st Year for the simple fact that I just didn't have the time once I went back to work, but I've looked things up from time to time and was met with delight when my instincts were what the book recommended.

Having Another Kid
BEFORE: In the midst of my pregnancy you couldn't have offered me a million dollars to have another baby. I hated being pregnant both times. It really isn't for me. Some people love it, but I am not one of them and find no shame in admitting it.
LAST YEAR: I am already counting down the months until we are going to try again. I miss feeling Averie move around in my belly and can't wait for the actual birthing experience again. I never thought I would feel this way... in fact I had done legitimate research on surrogacy and adoption! The countdown is on to try for Logan Reilly (can you tell we'd like a boy this time?)
NOW: Well the name Logan is out, a family member named their son Logan and we feel weird using it too. (We still want a boy though!) I have actually gone back and forth on when #2 should happen this entire year. Most days I'm all for it, and there were some days when I was sure we were good with one. I guess this blog is as good a place as any to announce that we are OFFICIALLY TRYING FOR  BABY #2!

There are a few stipulations to that however, which deserves it's own post in due time. How fun to look back exactly a year ago (even if it was by accident) and see how much has changed, or not changed in some cases. I definitely feel more comfortable figuring out what works for our family, rather than relying on my trusty books or the word of another mom. I still feel the same wonderment that I did since she was born, everyone kept telling me that would wear off but I still feel like a brand new mom most days- there are good and bad things that come along with that haha! I do know with absolute certainty that I was put on this earth to be her mommy, and that everything we have been through has been to get us here. We are healthy, we are happy, we are the family I always wanted... and that's pretty awesome!

Averie's 1st Birthday Party Prep Vol 2: Decor!

Welcome to Volume 2 of Averie's party- all things decor! This was probably my favorite part of the whole process! It was a lot of planning, penny pinching and a whole lot of fun! My only regret is I never thought to pull back and take a photo of the complete finished product. I have a bunch of photos of the individual features, but not a whole party shot ;( Believe me, I learned my lesson and will not only start the party set up earlier, i will make sure to take more photos!

 

Before we get into all the details, I wanted to share my strategy. It's no shock that kid's parties take money to happen. Since we've been on a small budget for life the last few months, it was important to me that if I stuck to one rule: If something was going to cost me more than $5 I HAD to come up with an alternate use for it later. That was the only way I could justify a bigger purchase in my mind. I spent about $500 hundred when all was said and done, that includes all the food (for 50 people mind you!), all the decorations, our outfits, and entertainment. In my book, that's a win!

 

Lets begin!!!

 

I had 2 major photo projects going on for this party. In our backyard we have a beautiful pergola that I put all the food under. I wanted to "frame" it in a way, so for the 1st project I got bunch of photos printed at Costco, some twine and these really cute sparkly clips (at the dollar store) and made 2 photo garlands. One had my daughter's monthly growth pics and the other had all silly pictures on it. Each had 12 photos, it came out really cool... until the wind started blowing... but it was awesome until then!

Photo by Michael Tebow Photography

For the 2nd photo project I got a bunch of large frames from various locations (the dollar store, thrift stores ect) and spray painted them all white. (All our frames in the house are white and I wanted to be able to use them after) Then I had about a dozen larger prints made of some of my favorite pictures, but I had a lot of large ones on hand from her various photo shoots throughout the year. The entire photo project- including having the Costco prints, the spray paint and the frames I bought- was under $30 and I can use these various photos and frames forever. I didn't have a set plan for these, I just sprinkled them all around the party space (you saw some of them in the previous post, and you'll see more as I continue posting)



Photo by Michael Tebow Photography







Here is a Pinterest inspired craft that I did to highlight all of Averie's "Stats". I've seen it done a bunch of times so I decided to go for it. The frame was an unfinished wood frame from Michaels for $1.50 (after a coupon) that I painted with silver sparkly craft paint that I already had on hand. For the actual board I used chalk board paint (its $9.97 at Home Depot!) I already had the chalkboard markers at home and once I heard you can tint chalkboard paint I jumped right on it!

 

My hubby measured the frame and cut the board for me. Then a quick coat of paint (I only needed 1)...

 

A little wood glue...



Photo by Michael Tebow Photography



And Taaa-daaa!!!! I am so proud of this! I got a TON of compliments on it, I think I may need to make it a tradition at every party. It was a lot of fun too. I know this photo is a little larger than the others, but I wanted you to be able to read all her stats. (Especially the 1st word haha!)

 

This next one, I am really sorry I have no final photos of it.... I felt like I bought all the tulle in my little town. Seriously, I had it all. There was tulle everywhere!!! I had visions of draping it all around our on our outdoor fixtures but I ended up forgetting it in all the party set up. Here were my major colors I had going on throughout the party. 

One thing I got a photo of while making it was the table tutus. I made tutu garlands for all the tables, we even had an extra one, so we hung it off of our pergola. It was really beautiful and I'm still kicking myself for not getting a picture. I used the same method as I did for Averie's photo shoot tutu (you can check that out here) Since it was a larger scale, I used duct tape on our tv stand and a kitchen chair to give me some tension to tie the tulle on the ribbon. (Yes, I am watching Dazed and Confused in this photo... holla at Anthony Rapp!!!)

Full disclosure on this one- I haven't come up with an alternate use for all this tulle, it was most definitely more than my $5 cap for singular projects. I have tons of yardage left, and there are about 10 yards into these tulle garlands. I'm thinking of cutting it down to make a bunch of tutus to give to her friends, or maybe I'll donate them to a local dance school. The other thing I'm thinking about doing is keeping it for a while, and figuring out a way to incorporate it into her bedroom design somehow. If there are any suggestions out there, please send them my way!

One of my favorite little touches that I did was the cheapest and easiest! I found it on Pinterest and it was not only simple, it literally cost me $5 and 20 minutes of my time! It's a flower embellished "1" and I made it out of 2 for $1 fake flowers from the dollar store, and 2 pieces of floral foam (also from the dollar store.)

 

The floral foam was the same thickness that I wanted so all I had to do was cut out what I call the "flare" of the 1. A basic steak knife worked great, it took me all of 3 seconds to cut through it (it was super messy though!)

 

Then I just hot glued all the pieces together.

 

I got scissors out to cut all the buds off of the stems but then I realized that they pull right off... another 10 second job to deflower them all #ThankYouCraftGods

 

 

Here I am with all my pieces ready to start flowering. I had a little trouble getting flowers in my color scheme, but I'm sure if I had shopped at a larger craft store I wouldn't have had any issues. But, for $5 I was fine with it being a little off.

 

 

This photo I enlarged because I wanted you to see that I didn't use any glue to stick them in (you certainly can) but it was totally unnecessary. I didn't have any issues with them coming out at all, even with the wind.

 

And here is the finished product! Even though it was under my $5 mark, I kept it to use as a photo prop and have even lent it out to Averie's friends who have recently turned 1. It came out so great, and I googled around... something like this from a florist would have cost me upwards of $40 and it wouldn't last forever like this one. This too, may become another tradition... I suppose it'll depend on the themes... #ChallengeAccepted

 

This next project is super cool because I got to take an already awesome product and personalize it. I found these little planters at IKEA for $2.99 each. I fell in love with them right away because I thought they would make a cool centerpiece for Averie's party tables, and they sort of reminded me of tiaras. I decided to get them, even though I needed 12 which meant I had to commit to finding another use for them. They were so perfect, I didn't think twice about it. (You can also see a sneak peek of Vol. 3's post in the background!)

 

 

When I got them home, I still had her stat board supplies out and then it hit me- paint the top silver to really showcase the tiara pattern I had fallen in love with, so a little painters tape, foam craft brush and Martha Stewart paint in "Sterling" (both already on hand) and we were on our way to the cutest tiara planters I've ever seen!

 

I decided to repurpose them on my porch. I have a pretty large porch with a deck and I lined these along the rail framing my front door. I plan to get those flame less candles and put them inside. I've heard that people out here tend to spend a lot of time outside in the summer, so these should look great with a little light peeking through on summer nights.

 

 

Here's the finished product!!! So cute with the little tiaras highlighted right? We filled them with some flowers from another project to add some depth to the tables. I didn't end up using one centerpiece, I kinda had two... see I saw this photo on Pinterest:

 

I got a little sentimental when I saw this, because one of my baby showers was a tea party. I just thought it would be cool to reference that so I decided to have 2 centerpieces and have them alternating on the tables. We even used the same tea cups from my shower, so that was kinda cool for me!

 

I didn't mind spending $12 on flowers because I knew we were going to use them multiple times. I only bought 3 bouquets and we still had too many flowers left over, so I also got to enjoy them at home for 2 whole weeks after... seriously! I couldn't believe they lasted that long, when flowers last more than $1 a day, I'm a happy camper!

 

This next one is another IKEA find. I forget the name of these boxes but they come in all colors and they're made of a strong cardboard material. We actually have them in black for some of Mason's things and when I saw them in white I got an idea to make them into platters... not really platters but I wanted to use them to create height on the food table. My original idea was hat boxes but those were crazy expensive. 2 of these come in a pack for $6.99 at IKEA.

 

I already had paint pens on hand from other projects so I used a piece of cardboard and used an exactoknife to cut out a tiara template for myself. Then I just went to town coloring. Adult coloring is always the best.

 

I did one in pink and one in purple. All said and done, it honestly took me about 2 hours to do both boxes. They're bigger than they look for one, and 2 I had to color them before they were built because I wasn't sure what would show and what wouldn't and I really wanted that designer handbag look, so I didn't want any folds to look fake when I put it together.

 

 

Here are the finished products. I don't know if I would recommend this project to anyone who can't sit and knock it all out at the same time. It was hard to do it with a baby around, and it was really time consuming, but I love the look in the end. You can see a peek of these in Vol. 1 but you'll get a better view of them in the pictures of the party favors when I post Vol. 3 As for my repurposing rule, these now hold her bows and hats in her room (which is also a pink and purple theme...shocker right?)

This last project was super easy, but there are a lot of steps, so I did my best to break it down. I got the idea from 2 different projects on another blog I follow Young House Love. They adhered fabric on a wooden letter for their daughters room and for another project they altered cardboard letters in the coolest way! (The links to those 2 projects are on their blog) Let's get started...

 

I got this cardboard A at JoAnns for $1.99

 

 

I cut off the top of the A with my exactoknife.

 

 

Then I sanded the edges for a smooth finish. I used a really fine grit sandpaper so I wouldn't tear it into pieces.

 

 

Then I used my trusty Martha Stewart craft paint (that 4.99 tube has gotten me through MANY projects, well before this party!) and painted the edges. It dries really quickly, in about 30 minutes.

 

 

Then I grabbed my fabric sample and traced the A with a highlighter. At my craft store they sell samples of fabric for $1.99 and since I only needed a little bit I bought this one. A quick cut around the lines and I was in business.

 

Then I used my fabric hardener (basically ModgePodge but a different brand) and painted a thin layer on the bottom of the A. I already had it on hand from Averie's photo shoot crown (the link is above), but I think its $4-$5 if you have to purchase it. There are so many uses for it, it's worth whatever amount it costs.

 

Then I layed the fabric A inside the cardboard A and did another layer of fabric softener over the fabric. I made sure to get into the corners with my fingers so it wouldn't roll up.

And here is the finished A! We hung it from another fixture in the yard where we had the party. If I didn't have to wait for the paint to dry this entire project would only take 10 minutes. Even though this technically comes in under $5 (thanks to coupons!) I still decided to keep this to use as a decoration in Averie's room. It's just too cute to throw out! Plus, we could always use it again at another party.

So that concludes Vol. 2: Décor! This was probably my favorite part of throwing this entire party. I love making things, and I really loved that I made things with multiple uses, because it automatically gives it a history and a story. These are the things I'll remember the most, because I get to tell Averie how much love was really put into her 1st birthday.

Stay tuned for Vol. 3: Entertainment coming soon!

Averie Belle's Birth Story

WARNING! This post is about to be wordy (that's a thing!) and possibly graphic... you were warned!

I can't believe I just celebrated my daughter's 1st Birthday and that I am just now finishing this! (Today is actually MY birthday haha! How's that for a coincidence?!) It has been and incredible year. I couldn't be more in love with my daughter- she is silly, smart, strong willed (how does that happen so young!?) and she is the most loving little girl I've ever seen. Seriously- she tries to hug and kiss every animal she comes across (real and fake) and loves to give me hugs and wet kisses. To sum up motherhood for me: I love every minute of it! That's not to say that every minute as a mom is pure bliss, but I think because of our son, I appreciate am obsessed with her more than average. I've also come to the conclusion that God gave me Gestational Diabeties so that Averie would be born on the 11th... Mason was supposed to be born on June 11th. Yeah... wrap your head around that one!

Ok... enough of the sappy self relfection... lets get to her birth story. I actually started putting this post together when Averie was about 2 weeks old. I went through all my facebook and instagram posts and put them into a working draft so I wouldn't forget any details. I was also smart enough the night that I was giving birth to leave notes for myself in my phone. (Ok, I shouted them at my husband and HE put them in my phone... tomato/tomahto.) Going back today and reading all my notes, I'm surprised how much I've already forgotten. I haven't forgotten the pain of childbirth! That part isn't true!!! I guess I'm not that lucky haha, although it IS true that the end result is so worth the pain. (But I'd still like to not have to go through all that pain if there ever was a way!)

March 10th:
You can read the post I wrote before going to the hospital here. My husband and I decided that we wanted to spend the last few hours before heading to the hospital surrounded by family. It was pretty fun, we ate pizza and went around the room talking to the video camera telling Averie how excited we were to meet her. Kevin even gave me a push present! It's something I have always wanted: a Tiffany's heart bracelet! Later I can get it engraved with Averie's birth date but for now, I just pick it up and drool over it from time to time.

8:44 PM: "Heading to the hospital now... Oh Crap"
I was nervous the entire day. I couldn't sit still and i kept re-packing my hospital bag. When we got to the hospital we were the only ones in the entire birthing unit so we had all the nurses fawning over us- not something i hated! I do remember there were a few minutes Kevin left me alone to do some paperwork and I was supposed to be changing into my hospital gown. I had this overwhelming urge to run... I kept thinking "nope, I'm just not going to do this" and I just sat on my bed. When Kevin came back and saw that i was freaking out, he helped calm me down by talking about how excited he was to meet our daughter, asking me what she was going to look like, who was going to win the pool... and before i knew it, i was changed and ready to be hooked up to the monitors and my IV was done! The nurse asked me why my blood pressure was so high, and I told her I was nervous about the pain. She told me not to worry, that was something they could control and even though I knew she wasn't 100% right, it did help me relax. When we were alone, Kevin took this photo and put it on his Instagram account:

 

You can see that I was reluctantly smiling in the bottom right picture... but I'm always camera ready!

10:00 PM: "They're trying to make me sleep!?"
I had my 1st round of psydotech and ambien to make me sleep. It didn't work. I pretended to sleep because the nurses kept giving me a hard time when they would come in to check on me. Kevin had no trouble sleeping... he never does.

MARCH 11th:

4:34 AM: "This drug is supposed to get this show on the road. Also, Ambien is useless"
I was given my 2nd round of  psydotech. I was given this drug every 4 hours to help dilate me. By the 2nd or 3rd time i was aware that things weren't going as quickly as my doctor would have liked. The nurses reassured me that it usually takes a couple rounds of psydotech to get dilated. Again, I didn't sleep even with meds.

8:51 AM: "Never thought I'd be rooting for more pain! Lets do this Averie"
Despite all my dilational thoughts (again, that's a thing) I was only at 1cm. My doctor ordered one more does of psydotech to see if that would help progress things, otherwise I was going to be sent home to progress on my own. This is not something I wanted, but it also meant I could have something I really wanted... COFFEE!!!

10:11 AM: (From Kevin) "12 hours from being Induced and she's feeling some mean contractions"
It was like a switch was suddenly flipped on and I was feeling some pain. It wasn't as bad as he described at first, it felt a lot like when my cysts would burst- but like they were bursting every 10 minutes or so. I wasn't sure how much I was dilated but I could tell something was happening because the contractions wouldn't let up. When our doctor came in to check me, she was happy which meant I wasn't going to be sent home! I was 2cm! There was a moment when I was thinking "that's it!? It hurts this much for 2cm!?" Oh man... silly Cheyenne... I had no idea.

12:39 PM: (From Kevin) "They just broke her water and she's begun labor! Hoping for a speedy process!"
Famous last words! If only labor was something to be so excited about... but he's a man and has no clue how true labor is to it's name. The actual breaking of my water was somewhat of a spectator event... they took what looked like a giant crochet hook and broke my water. The gush of fluid that came out was almost comical. If my labor was a cartoon, breaking my water would have flooded the entire birthing floor and carried my doctor out floating on the door Jumanji style. There was So. Much. Fluid. I literally soaked my doctor's sleeve up past her elbow and heard some fluid fall on the floor. Apparently, that solved the mystery of why i was so big. For whatever reason, I had a crapton (again... that's a real word!) of fluid in there! Averie was super cushioned I guess! Every time someone checked me, they would get an elbow full of fluid... i did try and warn them (for the record!)

Our families spent half the time in the waiting room and half the time filling up our birthing suite. My initial request was to have no one in the room but Kevin and I, (I mean, it was only us when we made the baby!) but he kept inviting them back in. Sometimes it was ok, but others I just didn't want to focus on anything but my contractions. There were a few times where they were all getting loud and I had to stop myself from yelling at them to get out. The next 3 hours were kind of a blur... My pain progressed REALLY quickly...

For the 1st hour I tried to be a trooper and breathe through each contraction (which were only minutes apart). At one point I was experiencing the beginning of the more intense contractions and my mother in law made a comment about it being a big one- she was watching my monitor while I was trying to work my way though it (for some reason, when people are around me I fear making noise when I'm in pain) and I swear I almost hit her. She says I threatened to throw something at her, I don't remember it that way... I just know I wanted everyone OUT! Luckily, I never had to be the bad guy... our nurse would always come check on me at the right time and kick everyone out. She was the best nurse I had. If only Kev had stopped bringing them back in!!! Next time will be different for sure. It's in writing now, so that's official right?

The 2nd hour I asked for IV meds. I don't remember what they were called but right as I was getting them a friend from church stopped by. I love this woman dearly, so I didn't mind her visit at all. She sat with us and talked a bit, and prayed with us. I don't remember much about the visit truthfully, and i probably acted like a drunk person- it was so hard to even keep my eyes open during her visit from the IV meds. They didn't really take away my pain from contractions, but it made me care less about them haha!

The 3rd hour I was in so much pain that I literally lost control of my body. I was shaking from head to toe. I couldn't control my breathing, my limbs... anything. These contractions are still what haunt me... i would get a break for about 2 minutes but then I would feel the burning pain in my stomach as it slowly spread out to the rest of my body. I was shaking so violently that my husband called the nurse and I had no choice but to ask for an epidural. Despite the fact that my goal was to avoid an epidural, the pain was the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I literally thought I was going to see a creature rip its way out of my belly Alien style.

3:20 PM: "Oh. My.Gosh!!! Everyone get an epidural... Don't even mess around!!!"
I finally cracked at 3pm and begged for the anesthesiologist. It took about 15 minutes for him to come in and it felt like 15 hours. I was shaking so violently that it took 3 nurses and my husband to move me into position to get the epidural. I couldn't talk but the way they were holding me hurt almost as much as the contractions. They basically want you to lean over the side of the bed and hug your belly... something i couldn't do at the time so they held me in position but they were pushing me so far forward it felt like my belly went into my throat and I couldn't breathe. The only plus side to all this pain was I didn't care about the giant needle going into my back. I didn't even feel it.

I was a little down that i got the epidural but one quick memory of how much pain i was in and i get over it pretty quickly. You do what you need to do to get through things sometimes, and there's no shame in an epidural. I had to keep reminding myself that I'm not having a natural labor in the 1st place, so why put myself through unnatural amounts of pain?

4:38 PM: (From Kevin) No baby yet, our job is to nap and progress. G'night"
This time i was able to sleep. Almost right away I could feel a tingling (not the good kind) in my who-ha (that's my term for my lady business and I'm sticking to it!) but I figured it was just the catheter they make you get once you have an epidural. I'd never had one before so I didn't know if that's what it felt like when it was working but I was so tired I summed it up to that and went to sleep.

5:51 PM: "Pitocin is a dirty word"
They checked me again (and got another wave of fluid on my 2nd nurse of the day) and I was only around 3cm so they decided to start me on Pitocin and up my dosage every half hour to an hour depending on how far I progressed. I couldn't believe i was only at 3cm for the amount of paid i had been in only an hour before. Up to that point Averie was doing great, so they wanted to do things gradually. I agreed since i was pretty tired of being in labor. The pain in my lady land was gradually getting stronger but I figured it was normal, and it would eventually stop because of the epidural. My doctor did let me know that this wouldn't be the quick 12 hour procedure I had read about, that we would probably be at this well into the night, but she was still confident that March 11th was going to be Averie's birthday.

6:00 PM: "Thank you to everyone who is following our journey and supporting us!!! I'ts incredible! -with Kevin Protz"
My discomfort had plateaued around this time and stayed that way for about 2 hours. We played the rotating family in and out of my room game for a while.  Then I got a lot of sleep (thanks to a note my nurse put on our door to keep unwanted visitors out). Around 7:00 I started to feel the pain growing from my abdomen to the rest of my body again. It didn't feel like contractions, it felt like a constant burning pressure all over my body. By 7:30pm i was in so much pain I couldn't breathe again, all I could do was shake and cry. It never occurred to either of us to check and see what my contractions were doing.

Kevin hit the nurse call button and asked for help but 30 minutes went by and no one came. He hit the button again and we waited another 20 minutes and no one came. While we were waiting he went to get my mom for me who came and sat with me while he tried to find someone to help me. At some point my brother in law came in and i couldn't even open my eyes to see him, all i could do was cry. I could hear him whispering to Kevin and later he told me he was so scared when he saw me in that much pain, that he had his back flat against the wall, like he was scared to get near me.

The last time he hit the call button they could hear me writhing in pain in the background and came rushing in. My poor husband, he looked so worried for me and I know he felt helpless. It was the first time I've ever seen my husband scared. He is always so calm and collected, but I could hear it in his voice that he was mad at them for taking so long.

When the anesthesiologist finally came in, he thought the tube had come out but it turns out my body just processes pain medication really quickly (which i did tell them, but even I wouldn't have guessed an epidural would wear off in 4 hours!) he upped my doseage but that didn't work either. He ended up having to give me the medication women get when they are having a C-section.

When our nurse came in to check me again (and got her title wave of fluid bath) around 9:00 pm she started laughing. I was super confused so I asked what was so funny and she said "No wonder you were in so much pain! You went from 3cm to 6cm in one hour!" My husband and I looked at each other in shock... it never occurred to me that all that pain was because something was actually happening haha! It was one of those ah-ha moments and suddenly i was so proud of my body!

9:48 PM: (From Kevin) "Still no baby yet, HOME STRETCH... hopefully"
I assumed since i progressed 3cm in an hour that I would be having the baby in about an hour and a half. The nurse thought that was funny too. With the help of the mega-epidural I was able to rest but I was still pretty uncomfortable. I could still move my feet and my toes tingled but it was better than the 1st time around. She said she would be back in a few hours to check me again.

Around 10:30pm my husband and I were watching TV and I had the overwhelming urge to throw up. This is not a foreign concept to me or my husband for that matter so he was able to act quickly and gave me a bucket right as I vomited. I knew that was weird since I hadn't had any actual food or water for over 12 hours but I figured it was just my morning all-day-every-day sickness rearing it's ugly head. Then... something happened... i felt the strangest shift in pressure I've ever experienced. It literally felt like a football pushed off the top of my stomach and was literally forcing my legs open. The movement reminded me of when you're in a pool and you use the ledge to push off under water. It was an entire mass shifting at the same time... I even felt more fluid gush out as it happened.

Kevin called my 3rd nurse of the day in and I told her what happened. She kind of laughed at me for thinking it was happening so soon. My doctor had gone home at this point. There was an on-call doctor but he wasn't at the hospital. I just had this feeling in my gut that it was time and sure enough, when the nurse checked she looked shocked.... and a little unsure of what to do. She told me to keep my knees together tightly and when I did it she looked shocked again "you can move your legs yourself? It shouldn't have worn off yet" Oh... great...

11:19 PM: (From Kevin) "Getting ready to push!"
I guess most first time moms take a while (some times hours) to even be ready to push, so what felt like hours of me holding my knees together fighting the urge to push was probably only 15 minutes. The nurse left to call the doctor and get another nurse to help. When she came back she still wasn't moving as fast as i would have liked (I may have muttered something about the doctor coming in a horse and buggie) but she was definitely aware of what my body was doing. She told me to try a couple "practice" pushes and when I did she had to tell me to stop right away. This baby was coming people, doctor present or not.

It took only a few minutes for them to transform my hospital bed into a birthing station, all while Kev stood next to me and held my hand. It was SO HARD not to push... i was literally fighting against my body's natural instincts. I started pushing at exactly 11:30 and it wasn't until 11:45 that our doctor finally arrived. When he came in he was talking to me like we were old friends grabbing coffee, super causal and he was joking around making fun of some of the things i was yelling. Kevin could tell this part of the story better, all i remember is keeping my eyes shut SO tight while I pushed. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the contractions did.

The 2nd epidural had completely worn off by this time so i felt everything. I had read that when you finally push the baby's head out it feels like a ring of fire... let's just say its such an accurate description that i said it out loud... and the doctor made fun of me. I was too busy to be mad at the time (but i was plenty mad after!) He kept trying to get Kevin to go look at what was happening and I remember gripping his hand so tight to keep him up with me. I lost in the end, because he really wanted to look and he did right as the head came out.

The funniest part about this is Kevin's narrative of events... he said the back and forth between the doctor and I was pretty entertaining. He said when he decided to look, he could see some of her head and it didn't seem very big and then all the sudden the head popped out and he imagined a "pop" noise going off at the same time (like when you use your finger inside your mouth haha) and all the sudden this HUGE head was out... he said the rest of her kind of slid out... not the most glamorous description I've ever heard, but after watching some birthing videos i know it was the most accurate. The best part? I didn't poop!!!! Wooo hooo!!!

11:50 PM: Averie was born!
That last update didn't happen in real time haha but it was exactly 20 minutes of pushing and then she was here. I didn't even realize she was out... it all just burned the same and all the sudden they were yelling at me to open my eyes and look down. I'll never forget the moment I laid eyes on my beautiful little cheeky girl... and I wish I could think of some poetic way to describe the way that love for this little human you created washes over you. It's so instinctual and so raw... and so beautiful all at the same time. You just know that you would do anything for this little human right away, it's sort of like the end of the Grinch movie... when his heart grows 3 sizes. She didn't even cry, she was such a chill baby from the start, and she still is now. Her Apgar score was 9.

MARCH 12th

12:01 AM: First photo with Mama (via Instagram)

 

 

Right after she was born, a lactation consultant came in and helped me to get Averie to latch. It wasn't so easy (something I've talked about in length on here so I'll skip all that). While I was trying to get Averie to eat the Dr and nursing staff were working on getting the placenta to deliver. It was uncomfortable to have them push on my stomach but it wasn't so bad. The strange thing was when it came out and the Dr held it up and said "Huh... I've never seen this before." I had 2 placentas!!!!

 

Here is what my belly looked like the night I went in to be induced.

That is another reason my pregnant belly was so big! Between my under 5' frame, the TONS of fluid and 2 freakin placentas I never had a chance to have a regular sized belly haha! As strange as this is, no amount of googling has helped me figure out why. The Dr didn't even know, which is slightly disconcerting but he did say that is probably why I had tested positive for GD and needed insulin. Our 1st reaction was to remember the episode of The Office where Dwight talks about absorbing his twin to be doubly awesome...the Dr shot that down right away, there was no twin... just some weird thing that happened.  

 

After the placenta debacle, he had to give me some local anesthetic and sew me up. This part could be TMI for some so feel free to skip it: I had a 2nd degree tear from trying to push her out. I felt everything! Unfortunately my epidural had completely worn off at this point and the local didn't work. Still, it wasn't scream worthy, it was just uncomfortable. No one tells you what it feels like after having the baby- they tell you all about childbirth (which is the lest sexy experience of my life) but when you deliver a baby vaginally it feels like someone took a baseball bat to your junk... it hurts to cough, to sit up, to use the restroom... it's literally the worst pain I've felt in my life, and for me it lasted 2 full weeks post pardum.

 

After we got about an hour alone with her Kevin went and got all of our family in the waiting room and they all took turns holding her. Here are her first photos:

Averie Belle 7lbs 4oz, 18" long

Lovin on daddy

That first night they had to convince me to go to sleep. I just wanted to stay up and stare at this beautiful face:

 

Once I got settled in I fell right asleep. In fact, the nurses had to come in and wake me up a few times that night to tell me to feed the baby. I was so exhausted it never occurred to me that I would have to feed her again lol I was happy to do it though, and each time we needed some help getting her latched. Kev said it was pretty bizarre to watch someone else's hands all over my chest and me act like it was totally normal. I guess looking back it was, but now after over a year of nursing I just whip them out without thinking. There is a part of me that still feels super un-sexy because my boobs are no longer that sexual thing... they're her "milkies" and that's it... I'm hoping one day they'll feel like a part of my appeal again.

 

In the morning, Averie was about 12 hours old, the lactation consultant came in to check how I did overnight feeding the baby. When she looked at Averie she said "she looks a little yellow doesn't she?" I had never seen a newborn in person before so I didn't know what color was normal, but she looked fine to me and Kev. The next thing we knew there was a pediatrician in our room saying they wanted to examine our daughter based on a recommendation from the lactation consultant.

 

Right away he said that she looked really yellow, and he thought it was weird that she kept sleeping through her foot pricks (they had to test both of our blood sugar levels every few hours because of the GD) and he ordered another test to check her bilirubin levels. He was back in less than an hour to tell us that her levels were really high, dangerously high to be exact, and they whisked her away to the NICU... just like that.

 

I was left alone in our room while Kevin went with them, not knowing or understanding anything that was happening, just that family was on their way to visit a baby that just got taken from my care. I started to freak out but I really didn't know what any of that meant or even where in the hospital this place was that they were taking my baby. Right then my mother in law and brother in law came to see the baby and I had to swallow everything and try to act calm. I told them what was going on but I couldn't answer all their questions and ended up asking them to leave.

 

This is Averie under the bililights and her "sleep mask"

It was over an hour before I was able to go see Averie in the NICU, they had her in an incubator and had a mask on her face that made her adorable chubby cheeks even more prominent. She looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but I broke down and started sobbing. The Dr came over to explain what was happening to me but I couldn't focus. All I heard was that I couldn't hold her... that she had to stay under those lights because they were somehow making her better. They also told me I couldn't nurse her... we didn't even have a chance to establish a nursing relationship yet, or have enough time to establish my supply. It was 3 whole days before I could hold her...

This was day 2 of being in the NICU

It was insanely hard not to be around my baby every moment of the day while we were in the hospital. The only good thing was our room was very close to the NICU and we had the best nurses. They kept letting me hold her in this bili blanket longer than I was allowed to. I wasn't allowed to spend all my time in there so I would go see her every 2 hours to give her a bottle (we fed her a mixture of what I pumped and formula through the openings in the incubator). I would go back to my room and eat, pump and then get back to the NICU.

On the 3rd day we had to check out of the hospital without our baby. We even got special treatment from our nurses who "hid" me away in an unused room after I was discharged and made sure meals got brought to me. However, it was only for the remainder of that 3rd day so that night we had to pack up and go home without her. I don't know if I can ever really describe what this felt like... I cried the entire way home and then cried myself to sleep. I felt like my heart was being cut out of my chest. I couldn't stay at the hospital and I didn't want to be away from her for too long so we visited as late as we could- around 11pm (they don't allow parents to be present during the night shift change) and then we went back at 6am and then every 2 hours. On the 4th day they let me nurse her for the 1st time since she was 13 hours old. I was so happy she had no problem latching. (We had plenty of other nursing issues since then but she's always been a great latcher.)It lit a fire under me and I was there for every. single. feeding no matter what. I had it in my head that with every feeding, she was getting better.



Here I am, so proud after they let me nurse her for the 1st time in 3 days!

She was pretty excited about eating with mommy too!

 

She was in the NICU for 6 whole days before we were able to bring her home. I loved that each time we got to hold her longer, but each time we had to give her back I cried. I prayed relentlessly that each bilirubin reading would be better but it stayed steady even on that 6th day. I guess as each day passes, the reading is less and less important. It's life threatening in the beginning but works itself out as time goes on. Each time they gave me bad news I felt a mixture of grief and some comfort knowing she was in good hands with her nurses. They really were the best part of that whole situation, I'm forever grateful to them for being so sweet with me, and with Averie.

So in love with my little beauty!

Here we are on the day our Dr told us we could bring her home! It just so happened to be our 7 year anniversary that day (and also St. Patrick's day) so we felt like it was an exceptional present to us! We had to wait for all the discharge paperwork for her, so we ran out and got her a proper St. Patrick's day outfit to wear home.

Finally going home!

Totally crying tears of joy in this photo!

Home after her 1st feeding in her own room. We were all so happy!

Averie has always been a happy baby, she literally came out smiling (everyone said it was gas, but they were wrong!) She has stayed our happy girl a year later. She is so smart! She knows a ton of words, and she knows some ASL signs, she LOVES animals, she likes to sing and talk, and she gives me a kiss every morning. She is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me, even on the hard days I just look at her and feel so grateful that she's even mine. When people ask me how she's doing I always say "she's the best... she's doing amazing" and it's always true!