A few days ago I had the idea to go back to my 1st 6 Weeks Post to see if I stuck to my ideas and practices that I felt pretty passionate about regarding parenting. This morning I decided today was as good a day as any and guess what... it was on April 23, 2013 that I wrote that original post! Exactly 1 year ago today... how's that for a funny coincidence? I didn't even realize it had been 6 weeks... it still feels like yesterday was MY birthday... so I got a little laugh out of that one. Anyway, I figured it would be fun to see what I've kept up with a year later and what I've thrown out the window. You can read the detailed post in the link above, I'm going to condense last year's answers in this post (because we all know I can get word-y!)
Co-Sleeping
BEFORE: There was no way in hell the baby was going to sleep in our bed! This was something my husband and I both agreed on.
LAST YEAR: I am pretty proud to say that the baby has slept in her own bed in her own room since the day we brought her home. We do a night feeding around 9pm and she typically sleeps until 3:30 and on rare occasions 5:30
Co-Sleeping
BEFORE: There was no way in hell the baby was going to sleep in our bed! This was something my husband and I both agreed on.
LAST YEAR: I am pretty proud to say that the baby has slept in her own bed in her own room since the day we brought her home. We do a night feeding around 9pm and she typically sleeps until 3:30 and on rare occasions 5:30
NOW: This is still pretty consistent only she started sleeping much longer around 2 months- from 9pm to 7:30am. She's always woken up at 7:30am on the dot.. on the rare occasion that she'll wake up in the middle of the night (usually due to a cold or something) we'll bring her into bed with us and I'll nurse her back to sleep and daddy will put her back again. Very rarely do we all fall asleep and she ends up staying in bed with us. It's not often at all, but I have to admit- on those nights I can see why people love Co-Sleeping... a cute little cuddle muffin snuggled in next to you? What's not to love? The mornings in our bed our my favorite- when she wakes up I go in and get her and she gives me a kiss (melt!) and then we go cuddle in my bed to have her morning feeding and we all have a cuddle fest with Daddy. Ahhhh... the best!
Baby-Wearing
BEFORE: I have read many books on the subject of Attachment Parenting and as a whole I just can't get on board. I don't think breast feeding until age 2 is for me, nor is co-sleeping and I really don't think baby-wearing was in the cards either.
LAST YEAR: I already had a bad back but after the first few times of trying to haul Averie in her car seat and the pain it would inflict on my back each time I am re-thinking my stance on the baby slings. I'll have to report back once I actually get it in the mail and try it out, but my hopes are high.
Baby-Wearing
BEFORE: I have read many books on the subject of Attachment Parenting and as a whole I just can't get on board. I don't think breast feeding until age 2 is for me, nor is co-sleeping and I really don't think baby-wearing was in the cards either.
LAST YEAR: I already had a bad back but after the first few times of trying to haul Averie in her car seat and the pain it would inflict on my back each time I am re-thinking my stance on the baby slings. I'll have to report back once I actually get it in the mail and try it out, but my hopes are high.
NOW: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Man was I dumb! Baby wearing was my savior on every trip, grocery store outing, long walk, every time I had to cook or clean... I have no qualms admitting my pre-conceived notions about this were 100% WRONG. I love baby wearing and I'll do it again with the next one. Hold on while I wipe a tear from laughing so hard at myself...
Breast Feeding/Schedule
BEFORE: I love schedules and keeping order and look forward to knowing that I would have to feed her every few hours. Basically I love knowing what to expect. As far as actual breast feeding, well you can read my last post to get the real skinny on that topic. Update: I wasn't so crazy about it.
LAST YEAR: Despite all my issues with breast feeding I FREAKING LOVE IT! Unless an outside factor messes with it (a long car ride, an appointment that runs late ect) she eats on all the odd hours. I stopped waking her up every 2 hours at night after the 2 week mark.
Breast Feeding/Schedule
BEFORE: I love schedules and keeping order and look forward to knowing that I would have to feed her every few hours. Basically I love knowing what to expect. As far as actual breast feeding, well you can read my last post to get the real skinny on that topic. Update: I wasn't so crazy about it.
LAST YEAR: Despite all my issues with breast feeding I FREAKING LOVE IT! Unless an outside factor messes with it (a long car ride, an appointment that runs late ect) she eats on all the odd hours. I stopped waking her up every 2 hours at night after the 2 week mark.
NOW: Still loving it baby! We are over the recommended year mark, and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. I still don't think I'll be nursing past 2, but for now I am still loving it. She now has 3 solid meals a day, so we have added in more whole milk mixed with breast milk bottles into the daily mix. I was worried I would get looks from strangers as I continued to nurse in public (a lot of times without a cover these days!) as she got older but she's so tiny people don't give me a 2nd look haha!
Setting Boundaries
BEFORE: My therapist helped me put steps in order to establish boundaries with family and friends for after Averie's arrival. We followed through, asking the appropriate people to help and make sure to get the message out there that we needed at least 30 days before we were ready for visitors or to have anyone meet her.
LAST YEAR: Basically not a single person listened and we were bombarded from the minute she was born. This is a hard thing to be mad at though, because when you feel that kind of love and excitement over your child from all the people you love- you naturally want to share in that with them. There were other boundaries I was worried about to, with my mom and my mother in law. I didn't try to pre-plan for them like visitors because I wasn't sure what would bother me and what wouldn't. I'm doing my best to talk to them about things as they come up but sometimes it is hard, because lets face it, there are far worse things than excited grandparents. I do have to remind them that she's MY baby and to back off a bit, but like I said it's hard to be upset over too-much love. It's a good problem to have ;) Update: I left this one in word for word because it's still pretty relevant to how I feel today.
NOW: Everything is basically the same as last year. I spend a lot of time trying to navigate what bothers me and what doesn't. I have embraced help a little more as I've gone back to work but I still hate when anyone tries to tell me what to do in regards to Averie, or if they question why I am doing something. Some things never change, I still prefer to do things myself. It's exhausting constantly explaining why we do things the way we do, and I find that almost everyone wants to defend their choices when I decline their advice. I guess it's just part of mommy hood...
Electronics/TV Being On
BEFORE: I felt very strongly against Averie having electronic toys or having a screen of some kind shoved in her face.
LAST YEAR: At 6 weeks it's still hard to really prove that I still feel this way. As far as the TV being on it is, but not all of the time. Right now, I spend most of my day alone nursing and I haven't mastered the art of one-handed reading while keeping the baby latched so I do have it on during those times because it's hands free entertainment.
NOW: It is with great pleasure that I report back that I have stuck to my guns on this one. Most of our family and friends has respected the way we feel about this, and haven't given her any toys to challenge us. She has lots of toys that play music, lots of wooden toys, dolls, and tons of kitchen toys (which are her favorite strange enough). We have a few episodes of Sesame Street recorded on the DVR for emergency distractions but she really isn't into TV. When she has been up sick in the middle of the night and even the boob doesn't console her, we will turn it on but even then she doesn't sit still long enough to get into it. I still watch as much TV as I always have, but she doesn't care much about it. She would rather play, and that makes me insanely happy.
Date Nights
BEFORE: Honestly, I couldn't fathom not having any time to be a couple or time to myself. I said from the very beginning that I would make sure my husband and I acted like the couple we always were... but with a baby.
LAST YEAR: I'm happy to be wrong. I am so obsessed with my daughter that I am now the one who won't shut up about their kid. It's easy to forget the little things as a couple when you have this huge task of parenting constantly on your mind. There have been many times where I sat and thought "I just want my husband back" but sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility have different effects on everyone. It's also important to remember you are going through all these changes together, and have to adapt together.
NOW: I'm not going to lie, this is still something we are navigating our way through on a day by day basis. Take away sleep deprivation and add new stresses like moving, finances, new jobs (or lack thereof) and there is still a long list of things that are happy to get in the way of your marriage, and they will- if you let them. There are times when our marriage is on the back burner and there are times when it's front and center. The key is the balance of the two, and realizing that the shift is natural and ok, as long as you don't get too comfortable on either side.
Exercise
BEFORE: I was adamant that as soon as the baby is out I was going to get back into my pre-pregnancy exercise regimen.
LAST YEAR: My husband and I went and signed up for a local gym membership and I plan to resume all my zumba/u jamm/dance classes.
NOW: Since moving, I haven't really had a chance to get into a serious exercise regimen. One, we can't afford a gym membership, and two, finding the time between the baby, keeping our marriage alive, home renovations, never ending holidays and an all around lack of motivation (there are no sidewalks here!) I have to just own up to the fact that I've been slacking. I did change my diet (check out this post for more on that) I've lost 13lbs and am on track to lose more. I'll add exercise in eventually but for now I'm pretty happy with the path I'm on.
Parenting Style
BEFORE: I honestly didn't know there were such classifications as parenting styles. I just knew people I idolized as great parents for the 'do' file and then the people I would watch and put in the 'do not do' file.
LAST YEAR: I do (or plan to do) a mixture of the following...
1. Attachment parenting- I really like the philosophy of showing your baby through close contact that you care and are present for her and her needs.
NOW: I'm not sure if Attachment Parenting is the reason or if it's the boob, but Averie is super attached to me. When she was little, she didn't care who was holding her but now all she ever wants is Mommy. For the most part, I absolutely love it! There are times though, when I need to get things done and it's super difficult when she only wants to be held by me. She's newly walking now, so maybe that will help. Although crawling didn't, so I won't hold my breath. I'm not putting on a show or trying to be sappy, but when she won't let me out of her grip I try to remind myself that one day she won't want to be with me 24/7 and it really helps me to embrace this time in her life.
2. "Fockerizing" Basically you just shower your child with love and give constant encouragement.
NOW: I am not under the delusion that my child is perfect, she isn't. I just don't see the point in being anything but positive when she is this age. If she does something I don't like, I take the appropriate action. I will continue to encourage all appropriate behaviors, accomplishments, and milestones.
3. Affirmative parenting- Instead of saying "No! Don't jump on the bed!" you focus on the positive outcome you would like and say "Feet on the floor". Basically you find ways to avoid shutting down behaviors and focusing on what is causing them and how to steer a bad behavior into a positive outcome.
NOW: I'm happy to report that we have actually kept up with this and even got the grandparents to get on board. You don't realize how much you say "no" on a daily basis before your make the conscious effort to remove it. Averie does listen when I say "hands off please" or "come over here" when I want her to get away from something.
Baby Care (Gross stuff)
BEFORE: I swore up and down I wouldn't change a poopy diaper.. that included any puke or boogers.
LAST YEAR: I actually look forward to all diapers. I love any excuse to meet her needs.
NOW: I'm pretty indifferent. I don't look forward to it and I don't dread it. I'm also not itching to start any early potty training... we're good in this department. Oh, I also no longer puke when I see a booger! So, that's news!
Being By-The-Book
BEFORE: I stayed by the book for my entire pregnancy and did what I was told.
LAST YEAR: I just don't think that another mom's suggestion 'because it worked for me' reasoning is better than someone's with a medical degree.
NOW: Some things don't change ;) Although, I did stop reading What to Expect The 1st Year for the simple fact that I just didn't have the time once I went back to work, but I've looked things up from time to time and was met with delight when my instincts were what the book recommended.
Having Another Kid
BEFORE: In the midst of my pregnancy you couldn't have offered me a million dollars to have another baby. I hated being pregnant both times. It really isn't for me. Some people love it, but I am not one of them and find no shame in admitting it.
LAST YEAR: I am already counting down the months until we are going to try again. I miss feeling Averie move around in my belly and can't wait for the actual birthing experience again. I never thought I would feel this way... in fact I had done legitimate research on surrogacy and adoption! The countdown is on to try for Logan Reilly (can you tell we'd like a boy this time?)
NOW: Well the name Logan is out, a family member named their son Logan and we feel weird using it too. (We still want a boy though!) I have actually gone back and forth on when #2 should happen this entire year. Most days I'm all for it, and there were some days when I was sure we were good with one. I guess this blog is as good a place as any to announce that we are OFFICIALLY TRYING FOR BABY #2!
There are a few stipulations to that however, which deserves it's own post in due time. How fun to look back exactly a year ago (even if it was by accident) and see how much has changed, or not changed in some cases. I definitely feel more comfortable figuring out what works for our family, rather than relying on my trusty books or the word of another mom. I still feel the same wonderment that I did since she was born, everyone kept telling me that would wear off but I still feel like a brand new mom most days- there are good and bad things that come along with that haha! I do know with absolute certainty that I was put on this earth to be her mommy, and that everything we have been through has been to get us here. We are healthy, we are happy, we are the family I always wanted... and that's pretty awesome!
Setting Boundaries
BEFORE: My therapist helped me put steps in order to establish boundaries with family and friends for after Averie's arrival. We followed through, asking the appropriate people to help and make sure to get the message out there that we needed at least 30 days before we were ready for visitors or to have anyone meet her.
LAST YEAR: Basically not a single person listened and we were bombarded from the minute she was born. This is a hard thing to be mad at though, because when you feel that kind of love and excitement over your child from all the people you love- you naturally want to share in that with them. There were other boundaries I was worried about to, with my mom and my mother in law. I didn't try to pre-plan for them like visitors because I wasn't sure what would bother me and what wouldn't. I'm doing my best to talk to them about things as they come up but sometimes it is hard, because lets face it, there are far worse things than excited grandparents. I do have to remind them that she's MY baby and to back off a bit, but like I said it's hard to be upset over too-much love. It's a good problem to have ;) Update: I left this one in word for word because it's still pretty relevant to how I feel today.
NOW: Everything is basically the same as last year. I spend a lot of time trying to navigate what bothers me and what doesn't. I have embraced help a little more as I've gone back to work but I still hate when anyone tries to tell me what to do in regards to Averie, or if they question why I am doing something. Some things never change, I still prefer to do things myself. It's exhausting constantly explaining why we do things the way we do, and I find that almost everyone wants to defend their choices when I decline their advice. I guess it's just part of mommy hood...
Electronics/TV Being On
BEFORE: I felt very strongly against Averie having electronic toys or having a screen of some kind shoved in her face.
LAST YEAR: At 6 weeks it's still hard to really prove that I still feel this way. As far as the TV being on it is, but not all of the time. Right now, I spend most of my day alone nursing and I haven't mastered the art of one-handed reading while keeping the baby latched so I do have it on during those times because it's hands free entertainment.
NOW: It is with great pleasure that I report back that I have stuck to my guns on this one. Most of our family and friends has respected the way we feel about this, and haven't given her any toys to challenge us. She has lots of toys that play music, lots of wooden toys, dolls, and tons of kitchen toys (which are her favorite strange enough). We have a few episodes of Sesame Street recorded on the DVR for emergency distractions but she really isn't into TV. When she has been up sick in the middle of the night and even the boob doesn't console her, we will turn it on but even then she doesn't sit still long enough to get into it. I still watch as much TV as I always have, but she doesn't care much about it. She would rather play, and that makes me insanely happy.
Date Nights
BEFORE: Honestly, I couldn't fathom not having any time to be a couple or time to myself. I said from the very beginning that I would make sure my husband and I acted like the couple we always were... but with a baby.
LAST YEAR: I'm happy to be wrong. I am so obsessed with my daughter that I am now the one who won't shut up about their kid. It's easy to forget the little things as a couple when you have this huge task of parenting constantly on your mind. There have been many times where I sat and thought "I just want my husband back" but sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility have different effects on everyone. It's also important to remember you are going through all these changes together, and have to adapt together.
NOW: I'm not going to lie, this is still something we are navigating our way through on a day by day basis. Take away sleep deprivation and add new stresses like moving, finances, new jobs (or lack thereof) and there is still a long list of things that are happy to get in the way of your marriage, and they will- if you let them. There are times when our marriage is on the back burner and there are times when it's front and center. The key is the balance of the two, and realizing that the shift is natural and ok, as long as you don't get too comfortable on either side.
Exercise
BEFORE: I was adamant that as soon as the baby is out I was going to get back into my pre-pregnancy exercise regimen.
LAST YEAR: My husband and I went and signed up for a local gym membership and I plan to resume all my zumba/u jamm/dance classes.
NOW: Since moving, I haven't really had a chance to get into a serious exercise regimen. One, we can't afford a gym membership, and two, finding the time between the baby, keeping our marriage alive, home renovations, never ending holidays and an all around lack of motivation (there are no sidewalks here!) I have to just own up to the fact that I've been slacking. I did change my diet (check out this post for more on that) I've lost 13lbs and am on track to lose more. I'll add exercise in eventually but for now I'm pretty happy with the path I'm on.
Parenting Style
BEFORE: I honestly didn't know there were such classifications as parenting styles. I just knew people I idolized as great parents for the 'do' file and then the people I would watch and put in the 'do not do' file.
LAST YEAR: I do (or plan to do) a mixture of the following...
1. Attachment parenting- I really like the philosophy of showing your baby through close contact that you care and are present for her and her needs.
NOW: I'm not sure if Attachment Parenting is the reason or if it's the boob, but Averie is super attached to me. When she was little, she didn't care who was holding her but now all she ever wants is Mommy. For the most part, I absolutely love it! There are times though, when I need to get things done and it's super difficult when she only wants to be held by me. She's newly walking now, so maybe that will help. Although crawling didn't, so I won't hold my breath. I'm not putting on a show or trying to be sappy, but when she won't let me out of her grip I try to remind myself that one day she won't want to be with me 24/7 and it really helps me to embrace this time in her life.
2. "Fockerizing" Basically you just shower your child with love and give constant encouragement.
NOW: I am not under the delusion that my child is perfect, she isn't. I just don't see the point in being anything but positive when she is this age. If she does something I don't like, I take the appropriate action. I will continue to encourage all appropriate behaviors, accomplishments, and milestones.
3. Affirmative parenting- Instead of saying "No! Don't jump on the bed!" you focus on the positive outcome you would like and say "Feet on the floor". Basically you find ways to avoid shutting down behaviors and focusing on what is causing them and how to steer a bad behavior into a positive outcome.
NOW: I'm happy to report that we have actually kept up with this and even got the grandparents to get on board. You don't realize how much you say "no" on a daily basis before your make the conscious effort to remove it. Averie does listen when I say "hands off please" or "come over here" when I want her to get away from something.
Baby Care (Gross stuff)
BEFORE: I swore up and down I wouldn't change a poopy diaper.. that included any puke or boogers.
LAST YEAR: I actually look forward to all diapers. I love any excuse to meet her needs.
NOW: I'm pretty indifferent. I don't look forward to it and I don't dread it. I'm also not itching to start any early potty training... we're good in this department. Oh, I also no longer puke when I see a booger! So, that's news!
Being By-The-Book
BEFORE: I stayed by the book for my entire pregnancy and did what I was told.
LAST YEAR: I just don't think that another mom's suggestion 'because it worked for me' reasoning is better than someone's with a medical degree.
NOW: Some things don't change ;) Although, I did stop reading What to Expect The 1st Year for the simple fact that I just didn't have the time once I went back to work, but I've looked things up from time to time and was met with delight when my instincts were what the book recommended.
Having Another Kid
BEFORE: In the midst of my pregnancy you couldn't have offered me a million dollars to have another baby. I hated being pregnant both times. It really isn't for me. Some people love it, but I am not one of them and find no shame in admitting it.
LAST YEAR: I am already counting down the months until we are going to try again. I miss feeling Averie move around in my belly and can't wait for the actual birthing experience again. I never thought I would feel this way... in fact I had done legitimate research on surrogacy and adoption! The countdown is on to try for Logan Reilly (can you tell we'd like a boy this time?)
NOW: Well the name Logan is out, a family member named their son Logan and we feel weird using it too. (We still want a boy though!) I have actually gone back and forth on when #2 should happen this entire year. Most days I'm all for it, and there were some days when I was sure we were good with one. I guess this blog is as good a place as any to announce that we are OFFICIALLY TRYING FOR BABY #2!
There are a few stipulations to that however, which deserves it's own post in due time. How fun to look back exactly a year ago (even if it was by accident) and see how much has changed, or not changed in some cases. I definitely feel more comfortable figuring out what works for our family, rather than relying on my trusty books or the word of another mom. I still feel the same wonderment that I did since she was born, everyone kept telling me that would wear off but I still feel like a brand new mom most days- there are good and bad things that come along with that haha! I do know with absolute certainty that I was put on this earth to be her mommy, and that everything we have been through has been to get us here. We are healthy, we are happy, we are the family I always wanted... and that's pretty awesome!
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