The First 6 Weeks

Right now I have the best and most exhausting job I've ever had: a full-time mom. Last week I made the decision to take off the maximum amount of time from my job to stay at home with the baby as long as possible. That does mean 13 more weeks but only 6 of them come with pay (only 50% of it I might add) and the other 7 aren't. It was a big decision but we felt that it was the best thing for the baby, and since the last 6 weeks we've been solely living off of my husband's paycheck we figured not much else would change. (I haven't received my state-disability yet, our state paperwork came with the disclaimer that they were 8-12 weeks behind in processing-FUN!) In a perfect world I would quit and stay home with her forever but our bills wouldn't allow for that. They really don't allow for it now, but we're making that sacrifice to give Averie the care she deserves- and what's better than mama? Nothing, that's what!

I am still figuring everything out when it comes to being a mom, and I only have 6 weeks of experience but I feel like I've learned so much already. I am also not afraid to admit that I've made a few mistakes already but quickly learned from them. I find it interesting that all the mommy groups/forums/igers/websites want you to classify your parenting style. I don't really feel like i fit into any of them completely (and why should I?) I had certain ideals before I had the baby, and people would always say "Yeah ok, let me know if you stick to it" and now I feel like I get pressured to 'stick' to one parenting style over the other. 6 weeks later I thought it would be interesting to go through the ideas I had while pregnant to see if we actually did follow them. I went back to previous posts and here are the things I wrote about the most...

Co-Sleeping:
BEFORE: There was no way in hell the baby was going to sleep in our bed. This was something my husband and I both agreed on.
AFTER: I am pretty proud to say that the baby has slept in her own bed in her own room since the day we brought her home. We do a night feeding around 9pm and I know she'll wake up for another one at 11pm so we have a night time routine: 9pm I feed her with the lights out (we're helping her distinguish between night and day) and then we put her in her play yard that's in our room until her next feeding. After that it's up to Daddy when she goes into her room. She typically sleeps until 3:30 and on rare occasions 5:30. I like to go to bed early and my husband is a night owl so he gets some night time cuddles in while he watches his shows and puts her to bed for us.

Baby-Wearing
BEFORE: I have read many books on the subject of Attachment Parenting and as a whole I just can't get on board. I don't think breast feeding until age 2 is for me, nor is co-sleeping and I really didn't think baby-wearing was in the cards either.
AFTER: I already had a bad back but after the first few times of trying to haul Averie in her car seat and the pain it would inflict on my back each time I am re-thinking my stance on the baby slings. I ordered one but it hasn't come in yet- I'm thinking from a practical standpoint it will be a huge asset. I can hold my baby that hates to be put down and also have my hands free at times to be productive. It will also help me to get her to and from the car and run errands. I'll have to report back once I actually get it in the mail and try it out, but my hopes are high. I also plan to vaccinate Averie despite how most baby wearing/attachment parents think.

Breast Feeding/Schedule
BEFORE: I love schedules and keeping order and looked forward to knowing that I would have to feed her every few hours. Basically I love knowing what to expect. As far as actual breast feeding, well you can read my last post to get the real skinny on that topic.
AFTER: Despite all my issues with breast feeding I am really loving it. As for the schedule? I FREAKING LOVE IT! I just love order I guess. Everyone kept telling me there was no way I would be able to stick to a schedule but because I was on top of it and worked Averie's natural patterns into it we are now pretty consistent. Our Dr encouraged it because of her jaundice and told me after 6 weeks we could let her sleep more during the day if we wanted but it was up to us. Unless an outside factor messes with it (a long car ride, an appointment that runs late ect) she eats on all the odd hours and around 3 she takes a nap from the minute she finishes eating and stays asleep the entire 2 hours so I nap with her. I stopped waking her up every 2 hours at night after the 2 week mark.

Setting Boundaries
BEFORE: My therapist helped me put steps in order to establish boundaries with family and friends for after Averies arrival. We followed through, asking the appropriate people to help and made sure to get the message out there that we needed at least 30 days before we were ready for visitors or to have anyone meet her.
AFTER: Basically not a single person listened and we were bombarded from the minute she was born. This is a hard thing to be mad at though, because when you feel that kind of love and excitement over your child from all the people you love- you naturally want to share in that with them. There were other boundaries I was worried about to, with my mom and my mother in law. I didn't try to pre-plan for them like visitors because I wasn't sure what would bother me and what wouldn't. I'm doing my best to talk to them about things as they come up but sometimes it is hard, because lets face it, there are far worse things than excited grandparents. I do have to remind them that she's MY baby and to back off a bit, but like I said it's hard to be upset over too-much love. It's a good problem to have ;)

Electronics/TV Being On
BEFORE: I felt very strongly against Averie having electronic toys or having a screen of some kind shoved in her face.
AFTER: At 6 weeks it's still hard to really prove that I still feel this way. I can say with certainty that her toys are exclusively those that rattle and squish (but that's what they should be at this age). As far as the TV being on it is, but not all of the time. My major issues with this is that both of Averie's future care givers have the tv on non-stop all day and my husband and i agree that isn't what we want Averie exposed to. Right now, I spend most of my day alone nursing and I haven't mastered the art of one-handed reading while keeping the baby latched so I do have it on during those times because it's hands free entertainment. However, many of her feedings are done in her room where I read or sing to her while she eats. I try to vary her location throughout the day and we spend a lot of time (ok I spend a lot of time) trying to get her to play and get that ever-precious tummy time in.

Date Nights
BEFORE: I always thought people who had kids that gave up their social life were pathetic. Honestly, I couldn't fathom not having any time to be a couple or time to myself. Truth be told, before I got into the mind-set of having kids I could really care less about most kids. There were a few that I shared a special bond with but they were definitely the exception. I would get bored listening to anyone talk about their kid... I said from the very beginning that I would make sure my husband and I acted like the couple we always were... but with a baby.
AFTER: I'm happy to be wrong. I am so obsessed with my daughter that I am now the one who won't shut up about their kid. My husband and I have continued to try and do little things together that we always have, but the conversation is usually on our little girl. It's definitely a transitional period of our lives that we have to continue to work on, so that we don't forget why we are here with this little one: our love for each other. It's easy to forget the little things as a couple when you have this huge task of parenting constantly on your mind. There have been many times where I sat and thought "I just want my husband back" but sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility have different effects on everyone. For me I revered back to my high school days of never sleeping just fine, but my husband isn't used to being this tired all the time. I'm sure he could tell you the things about me that are different since having a baby. Whatever changes happen, it's important to communicate them when you first notice them, instead of letting them bother you. It's also important to remember you are going through all these changes together, and have to adapt together.

Exercise
BEFORE: I was adamant that as soon as the baby is out I was going to get back into my pre-pregnancy exercise regimen.
AFTER: I am still not cleared by my doctor for any physical activity but I have been cheating with long walks with the baby since 3 weeks post pardum. My husband and I went and signed up for a local gym membership and I plan to resume all my zumba/u jamm/dance classes. I wanted to audition for a play involving tap but my physical clearance wont be granted until a few weeks after auditions.

Parenting Style
BEFORE: I honestly didn't know there were such classifications as parenting styles. I just knew people I idolized as great parents and people I would watch and put in the 'do not do when I'm a parent' file. I grew up with laid back parents while Kev grew up with very involved parents. I always liked that mine weren't all over me, but I craved their involvement in my life. I wanted to do a mixture of both.
AFTER: You kind of fall into a natural route as a parent but I made sure to do plenty of research on attachment parenting because it is what I knew the least about. I'm not sure of all the official titles but I think I do (or plan to do) a mixture of the following...
   1. Attachment parenting- the main part of this I have already applied to my parenting journey is how much Averie is in my arms. Seriously, my kid is never put down until its into her crib at night. One of the reasons is because of her acid reflux- we were told to hold her upright as much as possible to help her and the other reason is that she is so much happier in someones arms and will wail when I try to put her down or lay her down. The good part of that is she isn't solely attached to me- she really doesn't care who is holding her. You can't spoil a child this young by holding her all the time, all it does is show her you're there. I really like the philosophy of showing your baby through love and cuddles that you care and are present for her and her needs.
   2. "Fockerizing" A friend of mine told me about this with her daughter. If you've seen Meet the Parents you will understand. Basically you just shower your child with love and give constant encouragement. Averie is just starting to make noises other than cries (and even started laughing today!) and consistently rolls over from her tummy to her back... each of these is met with tons of cheering on my part, encouraging words and TONS of kisses.
   3. Affirmative parenting- I first heard about this kind of positive affirmation therapy from a friend who works with autistic kids as a behavioral therapist. She told me that instead of saying "No, don't do that" - because honestly who listens after they hear 'no' child or adult - you say what you would like instead. Here is the example she gave me for when a child is jumping on the bed. Instead of saying "No! Don't jump on the bed!" you focus on the positive outcome you would like and say "Feet on the floor" I'm not sure if I'm even calling it the right thing, but when I talked to my therapist about it she gave me a few books that talk about ways to avoid shutting down behaviors and focusing on what is causing them and how to steer a bad behavior into a positive outcome. Obviously this is going to take a while to work on, but even now when she is crying I try to say things like "Let me hear it, tell me what's wrong" instead of telling her to be quiet.

Baby Care (Gross stuff)
BEFORE: I swore up and down I wouldn't change a poopy diaper.. that I went through enough being pregnant that any gross diapers would be my husbands realm. That included any puke or boogers.
AFTER: I actually look forward to all diapers. I love any excuse to meet her needs. It's amazing how much your life changes after you have a baby, and the things that make you happy.

Being By-The-Book
BEFORE: I stayed by the book for my entire pregnancy and did what I was told. I was high risk, so I had a lot of reason to follow instructions. I planned to do the same as situations came up with the baby.
AFTER: I still have a hard time with smile-and-nod situations but I have stuck to whatever my books or pediatrician told us to do. I just don't think that another mom's suggestion 'because it worked for me' reasoning is better than someone with a medical degree. This also goes with the vaccination debate that seems to happen daily on the forums. I see the benefits far outweigh the negatives and want to take every precaution to protecting my daughter.

Having Another Kid:
BEFORE: In the midst of my pregnancy you couldn't have offered me a million dollars to have another baby. Even with Mason, I had a miserable pregnancy and hated being pregnant both times. Being pregnant really isn't for me. Some people love it, but I am not one of them and find no shame in admitting it.
AFTER: I am already counting down the months until we are going to try again. I don't know when the switch flipped... I'm not sure if it was after childbirth, or if it's creeped up in the weeks as I fall more and more in love with Averie. I can tell you with certainty it wasn't in those first 2 weeks of post pardum recovery- that was a bitch and I still don't want to deal with it but I would for another baby. The crappy parts of being pregnant even feel like a distant memory. I miss feeling Averie move around in my belly and can't wait for the actual birthing experience again. I never thought I would feel this way... in fact I had done legitimate research on surrogacy and adoption! The countdown is on to try for Logan Reilly (can you tell we'd like a boy this time?)