Forgive me if this post seems a bit scattered, I am attempting to feverishly write during commercial breaks of game 3 of the World Series (GO GIANTS!!!!) but I didn't want to keep putting it off. I have a special Halloween post planned (so come visit my world again on Wednesday).
Ever sense our major fears have been ruled out for Averie I have found myself obsessing over all the small things that I'm told normal moms with normal pregnancies obsess over. I didn't understand why but all I could do was let these little things fill my mind- not enough to distract me from life- but these little worries kept popping up out of the blue. I started to remember the 1st chapter of Mommywood by Tori Spelling. I thought she was nuts when I was reading about her going on and on about seeing her son Liam's nose in a 4D ultrasound and fretting that he would get her 'pre-surgery honker'. (You can say what you want about her looks or her acting, but that woman LOVES her kids, and that makes me a fan of hers.) Now I kinda understand the mommy cray cray brain lol! Don't get me wrong, I don't let these little things ruin my day but I keep having these dreams that are almost validating my fears.
I keep having dreams that Averie is going to be a giant... my husband is 6 feet tall and I'm barely 5. I keep seeing myself in a hospital bed trying to push out this enormous baby and not being able to and then being rushed off to emergency surgery but I always wake up before I get to see if she's huge. I keep getting freaked out about her nose- we both have larger noses so I'll spend a few minutes a day consumed with fear that she'll have a huge nose and never grow into it. Realistically, both of us didn't come out with huge noses that we had to grow into lol, but it's just something that keeps popping in- and then out again.
I started to re-read Tori Spelling's book just to ease my own mind that I wasn't alone in my irrational fears and then I started to freak out because we had so many similar ones- the one that seems to make everyone laugh is about poop. Yes, I'm writing on my blog about poop. Tori and I both shared the same insane idea of 'what if I'm taking a poop and its a hard one and i have to push- wont the baby think it's time to come out!?' Obviously I have come to my senses but once these silly fears have passed I find them pretty funny. I know I can't be the only one out there with these same dumb fears.
It's like there's all this room in my brain now for all the little things now that all the big things have been relieved. It's kinda nice to know I'm going through what everyone else does. I've been able to really enjoy my pregnancy the last 2 weeks. Before I wouldn't let anyone buy anything for the baby or even talk about my baby shower... I really just wanted to take things by the day I was on but now I feel like I am finally comfortable enough that I've started to make plans for Averie. Thinks like-
-her room: we decided on an under the sea theme since the room she's going into is already a teal-ish blue... less work for mom and dad and my husband is in love with sea creatures, pus I've always loved mermaids... however I don't like Ariel so that's why we're hesitant to say its mermaid themed and we call it under the sea. My 'other parents' have set a great example by the rooms they created for their kids with full on life sized figures painted on the walls of their kids rooms. My husband is an excellent artist and I am pretty good with paint so he'll draw it all out for me and I'll use safe for pregnant mommy paints to create it. We're getting pretty excited doing research and taking strides to making her nursery a reality.
-the baby shower: my husband is the greatest and really wants to be involved. We had a lot of people offer to throw it for us, but I couldn't make a decision because of how big its going to be. We have a million family members and my husband really wants it to be a jack and jill party so all his guy friends can come too. Our obstacles are that it is going to be in the middle of winter (the end of January) and we need enough room for around 70 people, plus I thought it would be awesome to give the guys a 'cigar lounge' area while all the girly games are going on. So the venue needs to be indoor/outdoor. Luckily I have a lot of great people helping me and it should be an event to remember.
-a 5 year plan: we've been trying to figure out if we need to follow our dreams of living on the east coast or if we should stick around now that we're really starting a family. What we came up with is for the next 5 years we will stick around where we are so that family can surround our kids. We would like to start trying for baby #2 when Averie is around 6 months old. Obviously 2 young kids will be a lot to handle and we will need all the help we can get. Right now we're living rent free so we can save up for a house and moving across the country in our current financial situation wouldn't be favorable. However, in about 5 years my husband is hoping to have established himself enough in his industry that moving to the east coast would work in our favor.
-gifts and shopping: before I wouldn't let anyone give me anything because i was so superstitious that I just needed to get through the first 19 weeks. I didn't even buy anything besides the journal i write to her in... but even that only has a few entries. Now that we have passed all the scary stuff I've been enjoying all the adorable things out there for little girls. I have even bought a few jumpers for her and once i let it out that i was ok with moving forward so many of my friends and family have been giving me gifts for Averie. They are all so adorable I can't believe I ever had any reservations about it. With how much of them flooded in I almost feel like everyone was just waiting for the ok lol, and my favorite part is how excited everyone is, and how much love Averie has and she's only been in existence for 5 months. It warms my heart that she will have all these aunties to help her on her journey.
So I should probably explain how I learned a HUGE lesson this week. (Besides learning how to enjoy my pregnancy..) Like I said before, I've been plagued by all these silly irrational fears that it was almost like karma wanted to wake me up. So for the last week or so I've been feeling a TON of pressure right under my belly button and on my back. I figured it was just ligament pain at first but then it kept getting more intense. Instead of it bothering me when I leaned over it was hurting all the time. I was having trouble sleeping because of it even. So eventually I let this little fear plague me enough that I called the doctor.
At first they didn't seem too concerned so I figured it was all in my head. Then the help nurse told me that because of my history she will check with my dr and get back to me. About an hour later she called and said that my dr definitely wanted to see me sooner rather than later. I let them know to schedule it and call me back and I would make it work. Not even an hour later they called me back but this time the nurse was very urgent, she said "You need to get in here NOW, you're having symptoms of preterm labor" and once I heard that I went into panic mode. I asked if she was sure, and she told me to drop what I was doing and get there now.
Luckily I have an AMAZING boss who was super supportive of me having to leave high and dry in the middle of the work day and helped me get out of there as fast as I could. I drove like a maniac over there and went from trying to stay calm to hysterically crying. By the time I actually saw the dr i was a horrible crying mess. Now, all of this from phone call to seeing the dr was maybe 20 minutes but it felt like hours at the time. Once my dr figured out why I was so upset she got pissed- now let me say... my new dr is basically the real life version of Christina Yang from Grey's Anatomy.... no really she even had bad ass biker boots and was wearing all black... she told me she was going to go out there and scream at the nurse who scared the crap out of me.
She told me that she had suggested i come in and that she was happy to squeeze me in, and to come as soon as I could to make sure i wasn't having symptoms of preterm labor. She promised me I would never even have to see that nurse again on my visits to see her. I was relieved but still worried about what could be wrong. The dr explained that when you've had the surgery I have, you don't mess around with a pressure like feeling because I'm naturally a candidate for a weak cervix because of my past surgery. She check it first and said everything was perfect, she measured me and I got to listen to Averie's heart and she reassured me that everything was looking exactly as it should. She also told me that it's probably just ligament pain. I have experienced it before and it felt so different, and she kindly reminded me that I've never reached this far in pregnancy and that I was in for some new aches and pains and unless there was any spotting it wasn't anything to worry about. She told me that she's even seen people come in unable to walk because of ligament pain... which sounded a lot like what I was experiencing at night.
At the end of the visit she kept apologizing for scaring me and gave me her direct line to call her with any questions. She made me feel normal, like I wasn't a crazy person for being concerned but also let me know that I get to do the fun stuff now- that she was ordering me not to worry anymore. When i left all I could think was "thank you God" over and over. It was almost like he was telling me "oh... you want to worry like a crazy person all the time over nothing? Then I'll give you something to worry about to give you perspective/" The message was heard- and learned- loud and clear. I'm going to keep continuing on my normal pregnancy path and worrying about the same things all the other moms out there worry about, and reminding myself its ok... but there is no reason to go overboard.
But seriously... please don't be a giant baby!!!!!.... with a huge honker...
ok, really, i'm done I promise!
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