A Letter from Mommy...

I wanted to share something that i wrote before we got the go-ahead from our doctor. A friend of mine told me that she writes in a journal to her kid about all the things she does and plans to give it to her later on. I thought it was an incredible idea, so i started one of my own...what kid doesnt want to know how much they were wanted? This is the first entry in that journal.

8/6/11

Dear baby,
This might be strange for you to read one day, but i know that i would have loved to know what was going on in my parents heads while they were raising me. The part you might find strange is that you dont even exist yet. At this point in mine and daddys marriage, we are in the planning stages of our family.

We dont know when God will grace you-and us- in our lives. We just know that we want you SO badly. We are young and excited to begin our family. Daddy and i have only been married a short time, but we have known each other since we were 5 years old in kindergarten. (i then explain our story which many of you are tired of hearing so i will skip ahead)

He is a very good man, your daddy. I hope that you get to love and appreciate him the way i do. I also hope he is still the one cooking many years from now so you get to experience that part of him too! (if i am still fat when you read this- his cooking is at fault).

I have so many hopes and dreams for you little future baby. I cant wait for the first time i feel you kick in my belly, and for the first moment we meet. I am already in love and you havent even been conceived yet. (I'll give you a moment to gag).

Here is a list of the things i hope you get to experience or have in your lifetime, and i hope i am around to cheer you on.

1. A kind heart just like your daddy. I hope we have been able to follow through in showing you what its like to love unconditionally. To accept all that you meet for who they are and that you are able to see all the good around you. I hope you are able to laugh at life and not take things as seriously as i do.

2. I hope we have passed onto you some from of artistic expression. I never want you to feel like you cant express who you are, and i pray that you are blessed with a gift that allows you to share it with others. I want you to know baby, that no matter who you turn out to be, who you love, what you stand for- we will always love you, and respect you, and support you. You may not feel that we do sometime in your life, but one day when you become a parent (if you choose to) you will understand all that goes into being a parent. I know we will make mistakes as your parents, but you have to know that every decision we will make will come from a place of love and only wanting the best for you.

3. i hope you fall in love many times. I hope that you are able to grow and learn each time. I hope the first time your heart is broken that i am able to be your support. When i was a teenager all i wanted was someone to be there for me, but i wouldnt allow myself to let down any walls, and it only made things harder. I hope if i can do anything for you, that you would let in and allow me to do for you what no one could do for me. I hope you take your time to find the one, many people are in such a hurry to experience life, that they miss the little things around them.

4. I hope for your happiness- daddy and i will do what we can to help, but true happiness comes from within. This is a lesson that is hard for a lot of people to learn. They think that if they can have the best or most of something it will make them happy. Some people spend their time making others sad so they dont have to see what is going on inside themselves. I hope we teach you confidence and the skills to help you when the confidence waivers. I hope you see the beauty in the world around you.

5. Daddy wont agree with this one, but i hope you read everything you can get your hands on. My dad read to me every night- not just kids books but he read to me about the greek gods, the pyramids, giants, princesses and even mythology. I loved those moments and i hope to have them with you. I am very proud of my vocabulary and i know reading everything i could helped. If you are lucky enough to get daddys memory and my love of reading (and writing as it turns out) you could really do anything. If not, well thats ok too.

6. Family is so important. Daddy was lucky, he grew up with all his cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents all around him. All of my family is spread throughout the country. This one is hard to control, because life can lead you anywhere, but i hope we are able to give you an experience more like your daddys- with family surrounding you. Its ok to do things the way i did too- i made my own family in the incredible friends i had around me. Good friends are hard to find baby, so when you find them, hold onto them.

7. It occurred to me today that i dont want you to be like me. I am impatient (which should be obvious as i am writing to the future) and i am stubborn. I have a bad temper too, which is really only good for getting me into trouble. The biggest thing about me that i hope you dont get, is fear. I have spent most of my life feeling like i was meant for something special, that i was meant to do more in my life- but i have also spent most of my life being too scared to find out if that is true.

I am good at a lot of things, I like to think i am pretty good at writing too. I dont ever share these things with daddy because i am too scared. i have made mistakes in my past that i have ended up being thankful for, but i am consumed by what other people will do or think if i were ever to put myself out there.
I pray baby, that you arent like me. I hope you are able to share who you are with no reservations. I hope when you find the things your good at, the things that make you special, you are able to put it out there and just let it be. Just being doesnt happen as much as it should, but i hope for you, that it does.

I love you without knowing you,
Mommy