Averie's 1st Birthday Party Prep Vol 2: Decor!

Welcome to Volume 2 of Averie's party- all things decor! This was probably my favorite part of the whole process! It was a lot of planning, penny pinching and a whole lot of fun! My only regret is I never thought to pull back and take a photo of the complete finished product. I have a bunch of photos of the individual features, but not a whole party shot ;( Believe me, I learned my lesson and will not only start the party set up earlier, i will make sure to take more photos!

 

Before we get into all the details, I wanted to share my strategy. It's no shock that kid's parties take money to happen. Since we've been on a small budget for life the last few months, it was important to me that if I stuck to one rule: If something was going to cost me more than $5 I HAD to come up with an alternate use for it later. That was the only way I could justify a bigger purchase in my mind. I spent about $500 hundred when all was said and done, that includes all the food (for 50 people mind you!), all the decorations, our outfits, and entertainment. In my book, that's a win!

 

Lets begin!!!

 

I had 2 major photo projects going on for this party. In our backyard we have a beautiful pergola that I put all the food under. I wanted to "frame" it in a way, so for the 1st project I got bunch of photos printed at Costco, some twine and these really cute sparkly clips (at the dollar store) and made 2 photo garlands. One had my daughter's monthly growth pics and the other had all silly pictures on it. Each had 12 photos, it came out really cool... until the wind started blowing... but it was awesome until then!

Photo by Michael Tebow Photography

For the 2nd photo project I got a bunch of large frames from various locations (the dollar store, thrift stores ect) and spray painted them all white. (All our frames in the house are white and I wanted to be able to use them after) Then I had about a dozen larger prints made of some of my favorite pictures, but I had a lot of large ones on hand from her various photo shoots throughout the year. The entire photo project- including having the Costco prints, the spray paint and the frames I bought- was under $30 and I can use these various photos and frames forever. I didn't have a set plan for these, I just sprinkled them all around the party space (you saw some of them in the previous post, and you'll see more as I continue posting)



Photo by Michael Tebow Photography







Here is a Pinterest inspired craft that I did to highlight all of Averie's "Stats". I've seen it done a bunch of times so I decided to go for it. The frame was an unfinished wood frame from Michaels for $1.50 (after a coupon) that I painted with silver sparkly craft paint that I already had on hand. For the actual board I used chalk board paint (its $9.97 at Home Depot!) I already had the chalkboard markers at home and once I heard you can tint chalkboard paint I jumped right on it!

 

My hubby measured the frame and cut the board for me. Then a quick coat of paint (I only needed 1)...

 

A little wood glue...



Photo by Michael Tebow Photography



And Taaa-daaa!!!! I am so proud of this! I got a TON of compliments on it, I think I may need to make it a tradition at every party. It was a lot of fun too. I know this photo is a little larger than the others, but I wanted you to be able to read all her stats. (Especially the 1st word haha!)

 

This next one, I am really sorry I have no final photos of it.... I felt like I bought all the tulle in my little town. Seriously, I had it all. There was tulle everywhere!!! I had visions of draping it all around our on our outdoor fixtures but I ended up forgetting it in all the party set up. Here were my major colors I had going on throughout the party. 

One thing I got a photo of while making it was the table tutus. I made tutu garlands for all the tables, we even had an extra one, so we hung it off of our pergola. It was really beautiful and I'm still kicking myself for not getting a picture. I used the same method as I did for Averie's photo shoot tutu (you can check that out here) Since it was a larger scale, I used duct tape on our tv stand and a kitchen chair to give me some tension to tie the tulle on the ribbon. (Yes, I am watching Dazed and Confused in this photo... holla at Anthony Rapp!!!)

Full disclosure on this one- I haven't come up with an alternate use for all this tulle, it was most definitely more than my $5 cap for singular projects. I have tons of yardage left, and there are about 10 yards into these tulle garlands. I'm thinking of cutting it down to make a bunch of tutus to give to her friends, or maybe I'll donate them to a local dance school. The other thing I'm thinking about doing is keeping it for a while, and figuring out a way to incorporate it into her bedroom design somehow. If there are any suggestions out there, please send them my way!

One of my favorite little touches that I did was the cheapest and easiest! I found it on Pinterest and it was not only simple, it literally cost me $5 and 20 minutes of my time! It's a flower embellished "1" and I made it out of 2 for $1 fake flowers from the dollar store, and 2 pieces of floral foam (also from the dollar store.)

 

The floral foam was the same thickness that I wanted so all I had to do was cut out what I call the "flare" of the 1. A basic steak knife worked great, it took me all of 3 seconds to cut through it (it was super messy though!)

 

Then I just hot glued all the pieces together.

 

I got scissors out to cut all the buds off of the stems but then I realized that they pull right off... another 10 second job to deflower them all #ThankYouCraftGods

 

 

Here I am with all my pieces ready to start flowering. I had a little trouble getting flowers in my color scheme, but I'm sure if I had shopped at a larger craft store I wouldn't have had any issues. But, for $5 I was fine with it being a little off.

 

 

This photo I enlarged because I wanted you to see that I didn't use any glue to stick them in (you certainly can) but it was totally unnecessary. I didn't have any issues with them coming out at all, even with the wind.

 

And here is the finished product! Even though it was under my $5 mark, I kept it to use as a photo prop and have even lent it out to Averie's friends who have recently turned 1. It came out so great, and I googled around... something like this from a florist would have cost me upwards of $40 and it wouldn't last forever like this one. This too, may become another tradition... I suppose it'll depend on the themes... #ChallengeAccepted

 

This next project is super cool because I got to take an already awesome product and personalize it. I found these little planters at IKEA for $2.99 each. I fell in love with them right away because I thought they would make a cool centerpiece for Averie's party tables, and they sort of reminded me of tiaras. I decided to get them, even though I needed 12 which meant I had to commit to finding another use for them. They were so perfect, I didn't think twice about it. (You can also see a sneak peek of Vol. 3's post in the background!)

 

 

When I got them home, I still had her stat board supplies out and then it hit me- paint the top silver to really showcase the tiara pattern I had fallen in love with, so a little painters tape, foam craft brush and Martha Stewart paint in "Sterling" (both already on hand) and we were on our way to the cutest tiara planters I've ever seen!

 

I decided to repurpose them on my porch. I have a pretty large porch with a deck and I lined these along the rail framing my front door. I plan to get those flame less candles and put them inside. I've heard that people out here tend to spend a lot of time outside in the summer, so these should look great with a little light peeking through on summer nights.

 

 

Here's the finished product!!! So cute with the little tiaras highlighted right? We filled them with some flowers from another project to add some depth to the tables. I didn't end up using one centerpiece, I kinda had two... see I saw this photo on Pinterest:

 

I got a little sentimental when I saw this, because one of my baby showers was a tea party. I just thought it would be cool to reference that so I decided to have 2 centerpieces and have them alternating on the tables. We even used the same tea cups from my shower, so that was kinda cool for me!

 

I didn't mind spending $12 on flowers because I knew we were going to use them multiple times. I only bought 3 bouquets and we still had too many flowers left over, so I also got to enjoy them at home for 2 whole weeks after... seriously! I couldn't believe they lasted that long, when flowers last more than $1 a day, I'm a happy camper!

 

This next one is another IKEA find. I forget the name of these boxes but they come in all colors and they're made of a strong cardboard material. We actually have them in black for some of Mason's things and when I saw them in white I got an idea to make them into platters... not really platters but I wanted to use them to create height on the food table. My original idea was hat boxes but those were crazy expensive. 2 of these come in a pack for $6.99 at IKEA.

 

I already had paint pens on hand from other projects so I used a piece of cardboard and used an exactoknife to cut out a tiara template for myself. Then I just went to town coloring. Adult coloring is always the best.

 

I did one in pink and one in purple. All said and done, it honestly took me about 2 hours to do both boxes. They're bigger than they look for one, and 2 I had to color them before they were built because I wasn't sure what would show and what wouldn't and I really wanted that designer handbag look, so I didn't want any folds to look fake when I put it together.

 

 

Here are the finished products. I don't know if I would recommend this project to anyone who can't sit and knock it all out at the same time. It was hard to do it with a baby around, and it was really time consuming, but I love the look in the end. You can see a peek of these in Vol. 1 but you'll get a better view of them in the pictures of the party favors when I post Vol. 3 As for my repurposing rule, these now hold her bows and hats in her room (which is also a pink and purple theme...shocker right?)

This last project was super easy, but there are a lot of steps, so I did my best to break it down. I got the idea from 2 different projects on another blog I follow Young House Love. They adhered fabric on a wooden letter for their daughters room and for another project they altered cardboard letters in the coolest way! (The links to those 2 projects are on their blog) Let's get started...

 

I got this cardboard A at JoAnns for $1.99

 

 

I cut off the top of the A with my exactoknife.

 

 

Then I sanded the edges for a smooth finish. I used a really fine grit sandpaper so I wouldn't tear it into pieces.

 

 

Then I used my trusty Martha Stewart craft paint (that 4.99 tube has gotten me through MANY projects, well before this party!) and painted the edges. It dries really quickly, in about 30 minutes.

 

 

Then I grabbed my fabric sample and traced the A with a highlighter. At my craft store they sell samples of fabric for $1.99 and since I only needed a little bit I bought this one. A quick cut around the lines and I was in business.

 

Then I used my fabric hardener (basically ModgePodge but a different brand) and painted a thin layer on the bottom of the A. I already had it on hand from Averie's photo shoot crown (the link is above), but I think its $4-$5 if you have to purchase it. There are so many uses for it, it's worth whatever amount it costs.

 

Then I layed the fabric A inside the cardboard A and did another layer of fabric softener over the fabric. I made sure to get into the corners with my fingers so it wouldn't roll up.

And here is the finished A! We hung it from another fixture in the yard where we had the party. If I didn't have to wait for the paint to dry this entire project would only take 10 minutes. Even though this technically comes in under $5 (thanks to coupons!) I still decided to keep this to use as a decoration in Averie's room. It's just too cute to throw out! Plus, we could always use it again at another party.

So that concludes Vol. 2: Décor! This was probably my favorite part of throwing this entire party. I love making things, and I really loved that I made things with multiple uses, because it automatically gives it a history and a story. These are the things I'll remember the most, because I get to tell Averie how much love was really put into her 1st birthday.

Stay tuned for Vol. 3: Entertainment coming soon!

Averie Belle's Birth Story

WARNING! This post is about to be wordy (that's a thing!) and possibly graphic... you were warned!

I can't believe I just celebrated my daughter's 1st Birthday and that I am just now finishing this! (Today is actually MY birthday haha! How's that for a coincidence?!) It has been and incredible year. I couldn't be more in love with my daughter- she is silly, smart, strong willed (how does that happen so young!?) and she is the most loving little girl I've ever seen. Seriously- she tries to hug and kiss every animal she comes across (real and fake) and loves to give me hugs and wet kisses. To sum up motherhood for me: I love every minute of it! That's not to say that every minute as a mom is pure bliss, but I think because of our son, I appreciate am obsessed with her more than average. I've also come to the conclusion that God gave me Gestational Diabeties so that Averie would be born on the 11th... Mason was supposed to be born on June 11th. Yeah... wrap your head around that one!

Ok... enough of the sappy self relfection... lets get to her birth story. I actually started putting this post together when Averie was about 2 weeks old. I went through all my facebook and instagram posts and put them into a working draft so I wouldn't forget any details. I was also smart enough the night that I was giving birth to leave notes for myself in my phone. (Ok, I shouted them at my husband and HE put them in my phone... tomato/tomahto.) Going back today and reading all my notes, I'm surprised how much I've already forgotten. I haven't forgotten the pain of childbirth! That part isn't true!!! I guess I'm not that lucky haha, although it IS true that the end result is so worth the pain. (But I'd still like to not have to go through all that pain if there ever was a way!)

March 10th:
You can read the post I wrote before going to the hospital here. My husband and I decided that we wanted to spend the last few hours before heading to the hospital surrounded by family. It was pretty fun, we ate pizza and went around the room talking to the video camera telling Averie how excited we were to meet her. Kevin even gave me a push present! It's something I have always wanted: a Tiffany's heart bracelet! Later I can get it engraved with Averie's birth date but for now, I just pick it up and drool over it from time to time.

8:44 PM: "Heading to the hospital now... Oh Crap"
I was nervous the entire day. I couldn't sit still and i kept re-packing my hospital bag. When we got to the hospital we were the only ones in the entire birthing unit so we had all the nurses fawning over us- not something i hated! I do remember there were a few minutes Kevin left me alone to do some paperwork and I was supposed to be changing into my hospital gown. I had this overwhelming urge to run... I kept thinking "nope, I'm just not going to do this" and I just sat on my bed. When Kevin came back and saw that i was freaking out, he helped calm me down by talking about how excited he was to meet our daughter, asking me what she was going to look like, who was going to win the pool... and before i knew it, i was changed and ready to be hooked up to the monitors and my IV was done! The nurse asked me why my blood pressure was so high, and I told her I was nervous about the pain. She told me not to worry, that was something they could control and even though I knew she wasn't 100% right, it did help me relax. When we were alone, Kevin took this photo and put it on his Instagram account:

 

You can see that I was reluctantly smiling in the bottom right picture... but I'm always camera ready!

10:00 PM: "They're trying to make me sleep!?"
I had my 1st round of psydotech and ambien to make me sleep. It didn't work. I pretended to sleep because the nurses kept giving me a hard time when they would come in to check on me. Kevin had no trouble sleeping... he never does.

MARCH 11th:

4:34 AM: "This drug is supposed to get this show on the road. Also, Ambien is useless"
I was given my 2nd round of  psydotech. I was given this drug every 4 hours to help dilate me. By the 2nd or 3rd time i was aware that things weren't going as quickly as my doctor would have liked. The nurses reassured me that it usually takes a couple rounds of psydotech to get dilated. Again, I didn't sleep even with meds.

8:51 AM: "Never thought I'd be rooting for more pain! Lets do this Averie"
Despite all my dilational thoughts (again, that's a thing) I was only at 1cm. My doctor ordered one more does of psydotech to see if that would help progress things, otherwise I was going to be sent home to progress on my own. This is not something I wanted, but it also meant I could have something I really wanted... COFFEE!!!

10:11 AM: (From Kevin) "12 hours from being Induced and she's feeling some mean contractions"
It was like a switch was suddenly flipped on and I was feeling some pain. It wasn't as bad as he described at first, it felt a lot like when my cysts would burst- but like they were bursting every 10 minutes or so. I wasn't sure how much I was dilated but I could tell something was happening because the contractions wouldn't let up. When our doctor came in to check me, she was happy which meant I wasn't going to be sent home! I was 2cm! There was a moment when I was thinking "that's it!? It hurts this much for 2cm!?" Oh man... silly Cheyenne... I had no idea.

12:39 PM: (From Kevin) "They just broke her water and she's begun labor! Hoping for a speedy process!"
Famous last words! If only labor was something to be so excited about... but he's a man and has no clue how true labor is to it's name. The actual breaking of my water was somewhat of a spectator event... they took what looked like a giant crochet hook and broke my water. The gush of fluid that came out was almost comical. If my labor was a cartoon, breaking my water would have flooded the entire birthing floor and carried my doctor out floating on the door Jumanji style. There was So. Much. Fluid. I literally soaked my doctor's sleeve up past her elbow and heard some fluid fall on the floor. Apparently, that solved the mystery of why i was so big. For whatever reason, I had a crapton (again... that's a real word!) of fluid in there! Averie was super cushioned I guess! Every time someone checked me, they would get an elbow full of fluid... i did try and warn them (for the record!)

Our families spent half the time in the waiting room and half the time filling up our birthing suite. My initial request was to have no one in the room but Kevin and I, (I mean, it was only us when we made the baby!) but he kept inviting them back in. Sometimes it was ok, but others I just didn't want to focus on anything but my contractions. There were a few times where they were all getting loud and I had to stop myself from yelling at them to get out. The next 3 hours were kind of a blur... My pain progressed REALLY quickly...

For the 1st hour I tried to be a trooper and breathe through each contraction (which were only minutes apart). At one point I was experiencing the beginning of the more intense contractions and my mother in law made a comment about it being a big one- she was watching my monitor while I was trying to work my way though it (for some reason, when people are around me I fear making noise when I'm in pain) and I swear I almost hit her. She says I threatened to throw something at her, I don't remember it that way... I just know I wanted everyone OUT! Luckily, I never had to be the bad guy... our nurse would always come check on me at the right time and kick everyone out. She was the best nurse I had. If only Kev had stopped bringing them back in!!! Next time will be different for sure. It's in writing now, so that's official right?

The 2nd hour I asked for IV meds. I don't remember what they were called but right as I was getting them a friend from church stopped by. I love this woman dearly, so I didn't mind her visit at all. She sat with us and talked a bit, and prayed with us. I don't remember much about the visit truthfully, and i probably acted like a drunk person- it was so hard to even keep my eyes open during her visit from the IV meds. They didn't really take away my pain from contractions, but it made me care less about them haha!

The 3rd hour I was in so much pain that I literally lost control of my body. I was shaking from head to toe. I couldn't control my breathing, my limbs... anything. These contractions are still what haunt me... i would get a break for about 2 minutes but then I would feel the burning pain in my stomach as it slowly spread out to the rest of my body. I was shaking so violently that my husband called the nurse and I had no choice but to ask for an epidural. Despite the fact that my goal was to avoid an epidural, the pain was the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I literally thought I was going to see a creature rip its way out of my belly Alien style.

3:20 PM: "Oh. My.Gosh!!! Everyone get an epidural... Don't even mess around!!!"
I finally cracked at 3pm and begged for the anesthesiologist. It took about 15 minutes for him to come in and it felt like 15 hours. I was shaking so violently that it took 3 nurses and my husband to move me into position to get the epidural. I couldn't talk but the way they were holding me hurt almost as much as the contractions. They basically want you to lean over the side of the bed and hug your belly... something i couldn't do at the time so they held me in position but they were pushing me so far forward it felt like my belly went into my throat and I couldn't breathe. The only plus side to all this pain was I didn't care about the giant needle going into my back. I didn't even feel it.

I was a little down that i got the epidural but one quick memory of how much pain i was in and i get over it pretty quickly. You do what you need to do to get through things sometimes, and there's no shame in an epidural. I had to keep reminding myself that I'm not having a natural labor in the 1st place, so why put myself through unnatural amounts of pain?

4:38 PM: (From Kevin) No baby yet, our job is to nap and progress. G'night"
This time i was able to sleep. Almost right away I could feel a tingling (not the good kind) in my who-ha (that's my term for my lady business and I'm sticking to it!) but I figured it was just the catheter they make you get once you have an epidural. I'd never had one before so I didn't know if that's what it felt like when it was working but I was so tired I summed it up to that and went to sleep.

5:51 PM: "Pitocin is a dirty word"
They checked me again (and got another wave of fluid on my 2nd nurse of the day) and I was only around 3cm so they decided to start me on Pitocin and up my dosage every half hour to an hour depending on how far I progressed. I couldn't believe i was only at 3cm for the amount of paid i had been in only an hour before. Up to that point Averie was doing great, so they wanted to do things gradually. I agreed since i was pretty tired of being in labor. The pain in my lady land was gradually getting stronger but I figured it was normal, and it would eventually stop because of the epidural. My doctor did let me know that this wouldn't be the quick 12 hour procedure I had read about, that we would probably be at this well into the night, but she was still confident that March 11th was going to be Averie's birthday.

6:00 PM: "Thank you to everyone who is following our journey and supporting us!!! I'ts incredible! -with Kevin Protz"
My discomfort had plateaued around this time and stayed that way for about 2 hours. We played the rotating family in and out of my room game for a while.  Then I got a lot of sleep (thanks to a note my nurse put on our door to keep unwanted visitors out). Around 7:00 I started to feel the pain growing from my abdomen to the rest of my body again. It didn't feel like contractions, it felt like a constant burning pressure all over my body. By 7:30pm i was in so much pain I couldn't breathe again, all I could do was shake and cry. It never occurred to either of us to check and see what my contractions were doing.

Kevin hit the nurse call button and asked for help but 30 minutes went by and no one came. He hit the button again and we waited another 20 minutes and no one came. While we were waiting he went to get my mom for me who came and sat with me while he tried to find someone to help me. At some point my brother in law came in and i couldn't even open my eyes to see him, all i could do was cry. I could hear him whispering to Kevin and later he told me he was so scared when he saw me in that much pain, that he had his back flat against the wall, like he was scared to get near me.

The last time he hit the call button they could hear me writhing in pain in the background and came rushing in. My poor husband, he looked so worried for me and I know he felt helpless. It was the first time I've ever seen my husband scared. He is always so calm and collected, but I could hear it in his voice that he was mad at them for taking so long.

When the anesthesiologist finally came in, he thought the tube had come out but it turns out my body just processes pain medication really quickly (which i did tell them, but even I wouldn't have guessed an epidural would wear off in 4 hours!) he upped my doseage but that didn't work either. He ended up having to give me the medication women get when they are having a C-section.

When our nurse came in to check me again (and got her title wave of fluid bath) around 9:00 pm she started laughing. I was super confused so I asked what was so funny and she said "No wonder you were in so much pain! You went from 3cm to 6cm in one hour!" My husband and I looked at each other in shock... it never occurred to me that all that pain was because something was actually happening haha! It was one of those ah-ha moments and suddenly i was so proud of my body!

9:48 PM: (From Kevin) "Still no baby yet, HOME STRETCH... hopefully"
I assumed since i progressed 3cm in an hour that I would be having the baby in about an hour and a half. The nurse thought that was funny too. With the help of the mega-epidural I was able to rest but I was still pretty uncomfortable. I could still move my feet and my toes tingled but it was better than the 1st time around. She said she would be back in a few hours to check me again.

Around 10:30pm my husband and I were watching TV and I had the overwhelming urge to throw up. This is not a foreign concept to me or my husband for that matter so he was able to act quickly and gave me a bucket right as I vomited. I knew that was weird since I hadn't had any actual food or water for over 12 hours but I figured it was just my morning all-day-every-day sickness rearing it's ugly head. Then... something happened... i felt the strangest shift in pressure I've ever experienced. It literally felt like a football pushed off the top of my stomach and was literally forcing my legs open. The movement reminded me of when you're in a pool and you use the ledge to push off under water. It was an entire mass shifting at the same time... I even felt more fluid gush out as it happened.

Kevin called my 3rd nurse of the day in and I told her what happened. She kind of laughed at me for thinking it was happening so soon. My doctor had gone home at this point. There was an on-call doctor but he wasn't at the hospital. I just had this feeling in my gut that it was time and sure enough, when the nurse checked she looked shocked.... and a little unsure of what to do. She told me to keep my knees together tightly and when I did it she looked shocked again "you can move your legs yourself? It shouldn't have worn off yet" Oh... great...

11:19 PM: (From Kevin) "Getting ready to push!"
I guess most first time moms take a while (some times hours) to even be ready to push, so what felt like hours of me holding my knees together fighting the urge to push was probably only 15 minutes. The nurse left to call the doctor and get another nurse to help. When she came back she still wasn't moving as fast as i would have liked (I may have muttered something about the doctor coming in a horse and buggie) but she was definitely aware of what my body was doing. She told me to try a couple "practice" pushes and when I did she had to tell me to stop right away. This baby was coming people, doctor present or not.

It took only a few minutes for them to transform my hospital bed into a birthing station, all while Kev stood next to me and held my hand. It was SO HARD not to push... i was literally fighting against my body's natural instincts. I started pushing at exactly 11:30 and it wasn't until 11:45 that our doctor finally arrived. When he came in he was talking to me like we were old friends grabbing coffee, super causal and he was joking around making fun of some of the things i was yelling. Kevin could tell this part of the story better, all i remember is keeping my eyes shut SO tight while I pushed. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the contractions did.

The 2nd epidural had completely worn off by this time so i felt everything. I had read that when you finally push the baby's head out it feels like a ring of fire... let's just say its such an accurate description that i said it out loud... and the doctor made fun of me. I was too busy to be mad at the time (but i was plenty mad after!) He kept trying to get Kevin to go look at what was happening and I remember gripping his hand so tight to keep him up with me. I lost in the end, because he really wanted to look and he did right as the head came out.

The funniest part about this is Kevin's narrative of events... he said the back and forth between the doctor and I was pretty entertaining. He said when he decided to look, he could see some of her head and it didn't seem very big and then all the sudden the head popped out and he imagined a "pop" noise going off at the same time (like when you use your finger inside your mouth haha) and all the sudden this HUGE head was out... he said the rest of her kind of slid out... not the most glamorous description I've ever heard, but after watching some birthing videos i know it was the most accurate. The best part? I didn't poop!!!! Wooo hooo!!!

11:50 PM: Averie was born!
That last update didn't happen in real time haha but it was exactly 20 minutes of pushing and then she was here. I didn't even realize she was out... it all just burned the same and all the sudden they were yelling at me to open my eyes and look down. I'll never forget the moment I laid eyes on my beautiful little cheeky girl... and I wish I could think of some poetic way to describe the way that love for this little human you created washes over you. It's so instinctual and so raw... and so beautiful all at the same time. You just know that you would do anything for this little human right away, it's sort of like the end of the Grinch movie... when his heart grows 3 sizes. She didn't even cry, she was such a chill baby from the start, and she still is now. Her Apgar score was 9.

MARCH 12th

12:01 AM: First photo with Mama (via Instagram)

 

 

Right after she was born, a lactation consultant came in and helped me to get Averie to latch. It wasn't so easy (something I've talked about in length on here so I'll skip all that). While I was trying to get Averie to eat the Dr and nursing staff were working on getting the placenta to deliver. It was uncomfortable to have them push on my stomach but it wasn't so bad. The strange thing was when it came out and the Dr held it up and said "Huh... I've never seen this before." I had 2 placentas!!!!

 

Here is what my belly looked like the night I went in to be induced.

That is another reason my pregnant belly was so big! Between my under 5' frame, the TONS of fluid and 2 freakin placentas I never had a chance to have a regular sized belly haha! As strange as this is, no amount of googling has helped me figure out why. The Dr didn't even know, which is slightly disconcerting but he did say that is probably why I had tested positive for GD and needed insulin. Our 1st reaction was to remember the episode of The Office where Dwight talks about absorbing his twin to be doubly awesome...the Dr shot that down right away, there was no twin... just some weird thing that happened.  

 

After the placenta debacle, he had to give me some local anesthetic and sew me up. This part could be TMI for some so feel free to skip it: I had a 2nd degree tear from trying to push her out. I felt everything! Unfortunately my epidural had completely worn off at this point and the local didn't work. Still, it wasn't scream worthy, it was just uncomfortable. No one tells you what it feels like after having the baby- they tell you all about childbirth (which is the lest sexy experience of my life) but when you deliver a baby vaginally it feels like someone took a baseball bat to your junk... it hurts to cough, to sit up, to use the restroom... it's literally the worst pain I've felt in my life, and for me it lasted 2 full weeks post pardum.

 

After we got about an hour alone with her Kevin went and got all of our family in the waiting room and they all took turns holding her. Here are her first photos:

Averie Belle 7lbs 4oz, 18" long

Lovin on daddy

That first night they had to convince me to go to sleep. I just wanted to stay up and stare at this beautiful face:

 

Once I got settled in I fell right asleep. In fact, the nurses had to come in and wake me up a few times that night to tell me to feed the baby. I was so exhausted it never occurred to me that I would have to feed her again lol I was happy to do it though, and each time we needed some help getting her latched. Kev said it was pretty bizarre to watch someone else's hands all over my chest and me act like it was totally normal. I guess looking back it was, but now after over a year of nursing I just whip them out without thinking. There is a part of me that still feels super un-sexy because my boobs are no longer that sexual thing... they're her "milkies" and that's it... I'm hoping one day they'll feel like a part of my appeal again.

 

In the morning, Averie was about 12 hours old, the lactation consultant came in to check how I did overnight feeding the baby. When she looked at Averie she said "she looks a little yellow doesn't she?" I had never seen a newborn in person before so I didn't know what color was normal, but she looked fine to me and Kev. The next thing we knew there was a pediatrician in our room saying they wanted to examine our daughter based on a recommendation from the lactation consultant.

 

Right away he said that she looked really yellow, and he thought it was weird that she kept sleeping through her foot pricks (they had to test both of our blood sugar levels every few hours because of the GD) and he ordered another test to check her bilirubin levels. He was back in less than an hour to tell us that her levels were really high, dangerously high to be exact, and they whisked her away to the NICU... just like that.

 

I was left alone in our room while Kevin went with them, not knowing or understanding anything that was happening, just that family was on their way to visit a baby that just got taken from my care. I started to freak out but I really didn't know what any of that meant or even where in the hospital this place was that they were taking my baby. Right then my mother in law and brother in law came to see the baby and I had to swallow everything and try to act calm. I told them what was going on but I couldn't answer all their questions and ended up asking them to leave.

 

This is Averie under the bililights and her "sleep mask"

It was over an hour before I was able to go see Averie in the NICU, they had her in an incubator and had a mask on her face that made her adorable chubby cheeks even more prominent. She looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but I broke down and started sobbing. The Dr came over to explain what was happening to me but I couldn't focus. All I heard was that I couldn't hold her... that she had to stay under those lights because they were somehow making her better. They also told me I couldn't nurse her... we didn't even have a chance to establish a nursing relationship yet, or have enough time to establish my supply. It was 3 whole days before I could hold her...

This was day 2 of being in the NICU

It was insanely hard not to be around my baby every moment of the day while we were in the hospital. The only good thing was our room was very close to the NICU and we had the best nurses. They kept letting me hold her in this bili blanket longer than I was allowed to. I wasn't allowed to spend all my time in there so I would go see her every 2 hours to give her a bottle (we fed her a mixture of what I pumped and formula through the openings in the incubator). I would go back to my room and eat, pump and then get back to the NICU.

On the 3rd day we had to check out of the hospital without our baby. We even got special treatment from our nurses who "hid" me away in an unused room after I was discharged and made sure meals got brought to me. However, it was only for the remainder of that 3rd day so that night we had to pack up and go home without her. I don't know if I can ever really describe what this felt like... I cried the entire way home and then cried myself to sleep. I felt like my heart was being cut out of my chest. I couldn't stay at the hospital and I didn't want to be away from her for too long so we visited as late as we could- around 11pm (they don't allow parents to be present during the night shift change) and then we went back at 6am and then every 2 hours. On the 4th day they let me nurse her for the 1st time since she was 13 hours old. I was so happy she had no problem latching. (We had plenty of other nursing issues since then but she's always been a great latcher.)It lit a fire under me and I was there for every. single. feeding no matter what. I had it in my head that with every feeding, she was getting better.



Here I am, so proud after they let me nurse her for the 1st time in 3 days!

She was pretty excited about eating with mommy too!

 

She was in the NICU for 6 whole days before we were able to bring her home. I loved that each time we got to hold her longer, but each time we had to give her back I cried. I prayed relentlessly that each bilirubin reading would be better but it stayed steady even on that 6th day. I guess as each day passes, the reading is less and less important. It's life threatening in the beginning but works itself out as time goes on. Each time they gave me bad news I felt a mixture of grief and some comfort knowing she was in good hands with her nurses. They really were the best part of that whole situation, I'm forever grateful to them for being so sweet with me, and with Averie.

So in love with my little beauty!

Here we are on the day our Dr told us we could bring her home! It just so happened to be our 7 year anniversary that day (and also St. Patrick's day) so we felt like it was an exceptional present to us! We had to wait for all the discharge paperwork for her, so we ran out and got her a proper St. Patrick's day outfit to wear home.

Finally going home!

Totally crying tears of joy in this photo!

Home after her 1st feeding in her own room. We were all so happy!

Averie has always been a happy baby, she literally came out smiling (everyone said it was gas, but they were wrong!) She has stayed our happy girl a year later. She is so smart! She knows a ton of words, and she knows some ASL signs, she LOVES animals, she likes to sing and talk, and she gives me a kiss every morning. She is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me, even on the hard days I just look at her and feel so grateful that she's even mine. When people ask me how she's doing I always say "she's the best... she's doing amazing" and it's always true!

 

Averie's 1st Birthday Party Prep Vol. 1

I finally have all the photos organized from the Averie's 1st Birthday but there are SO MANY between the Photographer, my iphone while I prepped and my friends/family I decided to do this in stages. (Seriously there's like 100) and I don't want the record for longest blog post ever... so here is Volume 1: All About Food!!

A Little Self Reflection

I've been thinking and praying a lot about what God's plan was for me when Mason was diagnosed, and I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't to help others... it was to help me. To help me be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter and sister.

I was pretty selfish a few years ago (it seems like a lifetime away now) and I didn't have much regard for other people. I was one of those people that always had to have the last word, and I definitely thought my words were more important than others. I cared too much about what everyone thought, and I was obsessed with everyone knowing I was pregnant. I always wanted to be right (or sometimes just the loudest). I most definitely put too much value into how many 'likes' our pregnancy announcement got. Sometimes it feels like I'll always be the Cheyenne from 3 years ago in everyone's eyes... that I'll never be able to show people how much I've changed, but I have faith that if I let my actions speak for themselves that older version of me will vanish from their memory.

Maybe it’s my experience in my journey to mommy hood, or maybe it's just wisdom that comes with age, but I don't feel compelled to fight for things the way I used to. Well... I'll always fight for my kids, but I'm able to put perspective on things that I may not have been able to before. The old me didn't shy away from confrontation. Now I can see clearly the things that deserve my attention and the things (and sometimes people) that don’t. Since becoming a mom I've run into a few people who feel like "you're just a mom" or calling me "mom" is some kind of insult. To those people, I can't be compassionate because they have no idea what I've gone through to get that title. They have no idea that being "just a mom" is literally the best thing I have ever done in my life. At the same time, I'm not going to make it my life's battles to educate them. For the 1st time in my life, I'm able to let things, and people go. One day they will get it, but until then, they don't deserve my time or attention.

Ever since our son changed my life I've been able to feel more. More compassionate, more strength, more weakness, I believe in myself more than I ever have and it's made me want to do things for others (in the past I would do them and then hope for recognition), it's made me wake up each day and want to get more out of it (I used to live for the attention of others, and now I enjoy time alone in ways I never did before), it makes me want to be the kind of person I've always admired- and I am always on a journey of self reflection and self improvement to one day accomplish this (but really... this journey doesn't actually end). I know it has 100% made me a better mom. Now, I'm finding that the best moments are not those caught on film or that get attention online, they're the quiet moments alone with my little girl when she hugs, kisses and signs "I love you". Excuse me while I go cry in the corner for a minute...

I was talking to a very dear friend yesterday and I was telling him these things and he said "it's funny how life has a way of humbling us sometimes"... it's funny how he was able to sum up all my thoughts the last few years into one perfect sentence. I love that for every 1 person that doesn't get it, there are 5 that do. I love that for every day that I discover something I may not like about myself and want to work on, I find something that I do like and want to embrace.

The Return of Operation Baby Farm

Birthday Update: I have been working on Averie's party post and how I made everything but our Internet has been shotty lately. I'm hoping to have it up by next weekend at the latest.

Something that has been bothering me lately is my weight. I go back and forth with this pretty regularly, but so does my poundage. I've always fluctuated on the scale, and that's fine. The problem I'm having lately is that my hormones are working against me.

I've talked before how in high school I was a 00 and I don't expect to ever be back to that. I am also only 4'10" so weight really shows on me. I haven't minded being a little heftier the last few years because I still felt like I looked good. When I got pregnant I lost 25lbs from being so sick and only gained back 5. When I gave birth, I looked really good! I was a size 11 and completely comfortable with it. Then I hit 4 months post pardum and I just started bulking up... and it just hasn't stopped. When I was at the doctor I weighed in at a whopping 158lbs!!! Seriously... according to my doctor someone for my age and height should only be at 115 at the most. So... I decided that I need to shed 48lbs. That's my goal, and putting it here makes me accountable. I can't believe I just told the interweb how much I weigh... I've actually embraced my curves because they show that I'm a momma... I went through so much to be a mom so I wore my weight with pride. It's more about being healthier for my daughter now.

When I went to my doctor with my concerns his only suggestion was that it was my hormones since I'm still nursing... his advice? "Just stop breast feeding and you hormones will go back to normal." Gee... thanks. I guess I'm one of those unlucky people who don't shed weight with nursing. Since I am NOT going to stop nursing anytime soon I figured the best thing to do would be to clean up my diet. I've never been a huge soda person but ever since the holidays for some reason I've been drinking them like crazy, and ever since I was pregnant we've had a huge bowl of ice cream each after the baby goes to sleep. So I came up with a list of things that would be pretty easy to give up and put it into play last Monday:

1. NO SODA
2. No more late night ice cream, if I do have it, it's only 2 scoops instead of a giant bowl with "the works"
3. Snacks need to be smart: No more chips... I love things like cottage cheese and greek yogurt so why not have more of those?
4. No more RedBulls... this one is hard because even writing it my mouth just watered! I love coffee so I just put more fun into my K-Cup selections so I wouldn't be tempted to get some wings.
5. Fast food is only for "I may die if I don't eat" situations. I've already made the decision to eat at home 3x this week instead of getting some fast food just because it was there. Plus, its saving me money!

My hubby has put on some lbs the last year as well and we both agree that we are kidding ourselves if we try and change our diet and jump into a strict exercise regimen all at the same time. With a kid, its REALLY hard to find time to work out, so we are going to take it slowly and as Averie gets older it should be easier for us to find time to work out too. I know there are all these people that say time away from your kid to work on you is essential, but I'm just not there yet. I've been working on getting up early (while the rest of the fam is still sleeping) so my body gets used to it- and then I'll start working out. For me, I feel less guilty spending time on myself while she's sleeping than during the day when I can be with her, so this works for me.

Right now, I feel like a winner if I get out of bed at 6am haha! Baby steps people, baby steps!

despicable me

I am an awful human being. Truly... just despicable. This is not a joke, I am the worst. I've been struggling with how to explain this feeling I experienced a few weeks ago. Jealousy has reared its ugly head, as quickly as it came it went; but the sour taste of it is still in my mouth. I'm ashamed to admit that I was jealous of my friends who recently went through a heartbreaking pregnancy with a diagnosis of Anencephaly. Let me explain...

Neural tube defects practically ruined my life, and they have forever scarred me- literally and figuratively. I would never wish them upon even my worst enemy, so you can imagine how devastated i was to hear that some friends of mine from church were struggling through their own diagnosis. My son had Spina Bifida, but there is another side of the neural spectrum called Anencephaly. Anencephalic babies are missing a major part of their skull and brain. Most don't make it to full term. A lot of people in this situation make the decision that we did, to end their pregnancy but a few (the extremely brave and strong few) decide to continue on with their pregnancy.

My friends decided to continue, and that was the first bout of jealousy i experienced. I was jealous of their strength and how their faith didn't waiver. I was jealous that I couldn't be that strong. When we got our diagnosis i crumbled into less than a person and my faith was shattered... it's still something I'm struggling to build back. I was so impressed with their attitude going into their diagnosis, their persistent faith in God, and the amount of support their family offered. But along with being impressed and inspired by them, i was jealous that i never had that kind of strength.

My 2nd bout of jealous came when Aubrey gave birth to Leilah. She lived longer than anyone expected, a true blessing from God. It was truly a miracle- they were told if she was born alive at all (which is something like 1%) she would only be with them anywhere between 2 hours to 2 days. While i was praying for every day they got with her, and extremely happy for every moment they got, I was jealous of those 3 days, and that I would never get them with my son. It was a strange feeling to feel so much for my friend and her family while also being pulled down by emotions I've tried to avoid for so long.

I still remember trying to make the decision if we should consider continuing our pregnancy... I remember that it felt like only a few minutes but in reality they left us in that room to talk for almost an hour. We didn't do much talking, we didn't need to. Once they told us our son was in pain, that he could feel the effects of his defect, our decision was made. Anencephalic babies typically can't feel pain, so if it was me, I would have made the same decision as Aubrey and her family. There are still moments when I can't be strong and i doubt our decisions and I hate myself for not being braver. When i think about it, I wrestle between feeling angry with myself for my decisions and feeling comfort in knowing I made the decision that ended his suffering. Those are also the moments when I am blown away by Aubrey and her strength.

In the end I ended up angry at myself that I have suppressed the "what if's" so much that they had no choice to come out when I was confronted with a similar situation. I couldn't believe that i was experiencing jealousy over an impossible situation. When i talked to my husband about it, he made me see that i shouldn't be ashamed of what i was feeling. He was so sure of our decision, and helped me remember all the reasons we made it. He also pointed out that I've never really talked about how much I wanted to deliver our son. When we decided to end our pregnancy we had 2 options- surgery or delivery. I wanted to deliver him but everyone talked me out of it and it's something I've always regretted and I've always kept that as a silent struggle. (You can read more about that in my posts from January 2012).

As their pregnancy went on they started a blog, if you want to read her beautiful mama's words I highly recommend you check out Leilah's story. Aubrey has no idea how amazing she truly is. I still can't even fathom what it must have been like for her to actually live this experience, to be afraid to sleep and miss any moments of Leilah's life... Her last entry in particular really got me- some of her words were too familiar and brought me back in time, and some of them broke me to tears... her honesty is beautiful and strong and delicate all at the same time.

At Leilah's service Aubrey stood in front of everyone and spoke about the moment they saw Leilah, and how she wasn't healed and all the things she experienced. I was so moved by what she said, i wish i had thought to recorded it or write it down so i could read it every day. She spoke about the moment that she thought would break her, and instead it solidified her faith in God. It was so beautiful... that moment restored all my faith in God, that He is good and He always has a plan. Aubrey will never know how much her sharing her story with me really helped heal wounds I didn't even realize i still had.

I used to think God put me through this to help other moms through their loss, and I thought that was true when He brought Aubrey and I together. I thought I was here to help her; what ended up happening was more amazing than I could have ever dreamed, Leilah healed my heart and saved me.

A Social Media Experiment

A few days ago my husband and I decided to take a break from Facebook. We are going to spend the month of February without fb and all the things that go with it. FB can be amazing when it comes to keeping in touch with friends that we haven't seen in years, and those we recently moved away from. I love seeing the major life events of my friends and family right when they happen. I love that I can be exposed to so many different views and opinions, and frankly- I love that I can scroll over the ones I don't care for! When someone figures out how to do that in real life, please let me know!

What I don't like is the pressure to have fb etiquette, and the overwhelming sense that we are all living double lives. I know I am right now at this point in my life. No one's life is as good as they try and play it out online. However, I don't think fb is the place to air all your dirty laundry (something I unfortunately didn't grasp a few years ago) so there is a delicate balance that I'm just not interested in trying to master right now.

My personal fb feed hasn't been as truthful as my blog or as truthful as personal conversations. I think fb is better to share funny stories, pictures, to keep in touch with old friends, but not to tear down myself or to be negative so I am very careful what I post, and how I write it. I don't want to be that person on fb bringing everyone down. At the same time, everyone goes through hard times and right now that's my reality and it's best left with me, not the entire interweb.

So... I made the decision to walk away for a while so I can work on myself. Leaving fb for a month is the first step to that. Why is it so important to me to try this? Mainly to prevent that stinkin app from getting in the way of me actually accomplishing what I am trying to do: spend some time with myself and my family free of distractions. As much as I hate fb sometimes for the dumb things that people post, I am also truly addicted to it. I love that little time waster... but I am always on the path to self improvement and I think I can benefit from putting down my phone and living in the moment. Truth be told, I put far too much self worth into how many 'likes' something gets. That's just sad.

I read articles all the time in my parenting magazines about unplugging and living in the moment and I was way too dependent on technology in my daily life to practice what I was reading. For some reason, I have suddenly decided that I'm ready (isn't it insane that I have to talk myself out of using social media like people have to decide their ready to stop smoking?! How is this possible haha!) Anyway, I'm pretty excited about it! I plan to do a lot more reading- my pumping breaks at work are usually fb dominated and my kindle cue is paying the price. I want to get back into painting, I haven't even attempted to paint anything since I was pregnant. I want to spend time working on my home. This is going to be our home for at least a few years and I want it to be a place I can be proud of and feel comfortable in. I want more time to blog... I miss this outlet.

The biggest and happiest surprise in my decision was that my husband wanted to do it with me. I told him my plan to unplug and he mentioned that although he rarely posts anything, he is always checking it. He liked the idea of trying it out for a set amount of time too, so together we decided February would be the perfect month to do it (maybe because it's the shortest?) haha who knows, but I am so excited to have him experience this with me. We decided that instead of deleting our fb we are going to change each other's passwords to keep each other honest! I think it'll be fun, and it'll help me get back to feeling more like myself. I just love that he totally supports me, even in the little things. (and social media in the grand scheme of things is totally a little thing- just to convey that I do, in fact, have perspective on life haha).

Everything in moderation though, we aren't leaving the Internet all together. I still have a house to DIY and decorate, and I need my friend Google to do that. We both have a healthy love for Instagram, so we decided to keep it. If you read this blog because I post it on my fb, you might want to bookmark it and check in with us during February to see how our unplugged detox is going. As always, I will still be on Pinterest too (hey, I have a 1st birthday to plan!)