Lots of people like to make fun of me for my complete devotion to Taylor Swift. I can't help it, i just love her. I love her songs, and the way her lyrics are so personal to her but seem to speak to millions of people. I know they speak to me, in fact, when i started writing a book i seriously considered naming it "There's a Taylor Swift Song For That". Instead, i am calling it 'The Boyfriend Book'. Now don't go stealing the awesome name i came up with! I totally own it ;)
The book is a humorous look at all the different types of men (and believe me BOYS) i have met, dated, missed out on, and everything in between. I wanted to be like Taylor, and let my experiences speak to someone else. Some of them good, most of them bad, and then the final chapter about my Prince Charming to give girls like me hope. I have talked about my past, how i refused to let people in, and it was lonely. I did however search for help in music and in books. I started writing it in hopes that even if one person read it and got what i was trying to say, then i did a good job.
Here is an example: a boy that is right for me in all the best ways, but I crave the boy that's bad for me in all the same ways? "The way I Loved You", the time i 'misplaced' my... flower... "Fifteen", the way i felt when i figured out that Kevin was the one? "Mine", when I first meet a guy and cant wait for that first text or phone call "Sparks Fly", an ex that knows exactly what to say to me to crumble me? "Mean", the way it felt when i walked away from someone and it almost killed me? "Last Kiss, Haunted,Your Not Sorry", The crush that unknowingly made me feel like i wasn't good enough? "Invisible"... i really could go on forever, but i think you get the idea.
I've been working on it for over 2 years and keep getting stuck. It is very easy to write the funny stories, and its even easier to express how some of these guys (especially the ones i didn't actually date) influenced me and helped me be a better person. The 2 i am stuck on, are really hard to write. One of them is hard to express because its a perfect balance of bliss and misery and it lasted many years. Its hard to express how i feel about a lot of things that happened. I keep trying to find the words to express how he helped me, and how pieces of me were shattered in the process.
The other one that is hard to write- now don't laugh- its because its a whole lot harder to write about complete and utter happiness. It is unfairly easy to write about all the break ups and heart aches. I even tried to write a simple blog post about how my 11-11-11 11:11 wish was for my husband to know how much i appreciate him... i got maybe 2 sentences after staring at the computer for an hour and gave up.
Its hard too, because i have a pipe dream to publish it someday, but i would never want to offend any of the guys in it. I have come up with quirky cute nick names to protect their identity- the last thing i want is to offend anyone, and unless you are me or that person i don't think you would figure it out. I want to do each person justice. I want to make sure i get it right, that i take responsibility in each story for the things that went wrong (because really all the credit is to Kevin for the one success story). Each story is important because it leads up to who i am, and I'm not out to bash any of them (no matter who may deserve it) and they all lead into what i have now with my hubby... we wouldn't be the same couple if we didn't have our pasts, and its bittersweet to feel grateful to all of them.
A disclaimer, if i dated you, your probably in the book.I hope you can trust that i wrote the truth as close as i can remember it, so if by some miracle sometime in the future it does get published, i hope you can appreciate my perspective on things. Its scary too, to admit how much some people meant to me, so for that part I'm excited for them to read it and see the truth i kept to myself. On the other hand, maybe no one will ever read it, and i can just do this for myself, since that's how it all started out anyway.
I'm not going to lie, its also completely terrifying!
No comments:
Post a Comment