Give and Take

Well... things have changed once again since writing this post about making changes. About two weeks ago I received notice that my CAPPA program was being canceled due to lack of interest. I was being issued a refund, and another date would not be set until they can generate enough interest for my area. I called the leader to find out if there was another program I could join but she informed me that they've been having trouble keeping the class sizes up, and was honestly not sure if there would be one at all this year.

Cue the sad music and the broken hearted emoji.

About a week later I received yet another large medical bill in the mail and the cold hard truth hit me: I simply cannot hold onto this money for a "hopefully it'll happen" dream when we have some serious debt to take care of. So, against my husbands instructions to stash the money in a shoe box until I can make things happen, we put it towards our always enlarging pile of bills. I am all too familiar with this type of sacrifice, which is probably why it didn't phase me.

Honestly, I was sad when I first found out the program wasn't happening but it's hard to stay sad when I see the pay off from using that money to help us get out of debt. It's not a life changing amount of money, or really even enough to pay off any one bill, but it will help. I am used to this situation, and I guess that's what it means to be a grown up- when you can put yourself last or your needs last for the greater good.

There is a "give" for me in the middle of this "take"... it gives me more time to focus on my bow business. I didn't anticipate to be so busy with orders before my shop is even completely open, so I consider this a blessing in disguise. Maybe its God's plan for this business to take off and I would have spent that money for nothing (you had to complete the program in a certain amount of time). Maybe His plan is for us to become pregnant soon and I wouldn't want to devote any time to studying.. who knows.

All I know is, despite this significant disappointment I am happily surprised at the quick success of my small business. Plus, it meant a lot to me that my husband was still willing to support my dreams, even in the midst of our semi-financial ruin. It says a lot about the type of man he is, willing to take on our hardships all on his own so I could focus on myself and the things I want. Right now though, my focus has shifted and what I want is to be able to give my daughter a life where she doesn't worry about money. The only way to do that is to make sacrifices now so this debt doesn't follow us into the years that she'll actually remember.

Strangely, I find it an exciting challenge to figure out ways to make traditions out of us being dirt poor. Like... what kind of memories can I create for her while spending $0.00 and all she knows is that it's something fun we do together as a family. I don't want her to have to think about these things until she is much older, and I want to be able to fund her passions... even if that means ignoring mine.