I have a confession to make, and to most of you it wont be such a huge surprise. I completely and fully want to have children with the love of my life that is my husband. For those who know me, this next part wont be a surprise either: things i do need to be my idea. The more people tell me that we should start having kids i felt the need to defend our situation. The hard part of that situation, the part i don't talk about is that our situation hasn't been by choice up to this point.
I still haven't been diagnosed with PCOS- i have all the symptoms, and even though i reflect some signs of chronic ovarian cysts and hormone imbalance i am pretty confident that i have PCOS but i have to wait until the same day i get my wisdom teeth removed to find out (it was the only appointment he had- I'm not really into that kind of torture on a normal basis)
You may be wondering why i haven't made advances in getting diagnosed and the short answer is: i haven't ovulated in months. It could even have been longer than that but i have only been tracking it the last few months. I ovulated for the first time last month- and it was very hard for me not to act on it right then and there. I got so excited and even though it was against the plan Kevin and i have talked about, i felt like my heart was breaking when those 36hours passed. I just couldn't stop thinking- "what if i don't ovulate again?" I had been waiting so long to even find out if i could and i was letting it pass me by, and the Aries in me is not so good at waiting.
The other part that is frustrating is that everyone thinks they get to weigh in on this subject. This our OUR life, and OUR decision, and OUR relationship. I appreciate that people care about us, but telling us to wait (we've been together going on 7 years and we've known each other since we were 5-- i think we know who the other one is!) it makes me want to defend our 'decision' which sucked because it wasn't really want i wanted- but i wasn't about to tell anyone that when they were in the middle of telling me how to live my life. Then, when people tell us to hurry up i feel like i have to defend that too- i understand that i am a walking contradiction, i wish i could make sense of me too!
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that i ovulated, and i think that is something worth celebrating. The fact that we now have a possibility (even if it was just last month- but keep your fingers crossed!) gave me all new perspective and the courage to talk about this struggle I've been dealing with all on my own. Its really scary, feeling like your life isn't in your own hands and obviously i wasn't up to talking about it in the past- but if there is anyone out there who has gone through this i would really like to know there is hope out there...
My mom, sister and I all have PCOS, and both Lindi and I have gotten pregnant without any problem. I have another friend with PCOS who got pregnant without really trying, too. Don't let a diagnosis psych you out (or trick you into thinking it can't happen to you, like I did!)
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