I've always been one of those moms that is literally obsessed with her kid... but as my crazy and wonderful daughter has reached 2 and a half- the terrible two's have come to fruition. I am now the mom that is 100% obsessed with her kid but definitely needs a break once and a while to keep my sanity. It's been kind of strange to realize my craving for alone time, and to not feel guilty about it. Everything I do is for my daughter. Everything I do is with my daughter. It took me a few weeks to realize it was ok to want to do things without her too. Luckily my husband and MIL have both been telling me this forever and are more than happy to provide me with an hour here and there to have to myself. I am very thankful and very blessed to have this balance.
Since being home we have worked on updating and upgrading the house in all areas. We took our very long living room and put a wall up at the far end to create a new office for me. Baby Bear will move into my old office once we finish the work in there. I am so proud of my hubby for taking on all this construction work- he did an amazing job. Now we are tearing down the closet in the nursery (where it was before made the room L shaped and there was no wall space big enough for a crib). That room is all windows but has it's own bathroom so a little bit of reconfiguring the layout should fix it right up. The crib and furniture has all been ordered (some awesome garage sale finds are just waiting for a little sprucing) but otherwise we are almost ready.
Physically I am ready, and at the same time I'm not. I am struggling a little bit with the fact that once this baby comes I'll never get to do it again. I'll never get to feel a baby move in my belly again, I'll never have a newborn again. So many things are final once this baby arrives. I kinda wish I could just pause time and enjoy these last few weeks a little longer. On the other hand, my back is killing me and I can't eat anything I want to... and God I MISS WINE! Its probably fair to say I'm equally happy for it to be over and sad. However, as I've said many times I didn't even think this baby was a possibility a year ago, so I am over the moon that I did get to experience this one last time.
So that brings us to Baby Bear's birth. Because of all my complications, my doctors and I have come up with two birth plans. Bless them, they still want me to be able to try and deliver without a C-Section. The wall in my uterus is sometimes there, and sometimes it's not. They think it might be malleable tissue that moves with the baby- but from the movement and the feeling of my stomach the baby stays to one side- so it makes sense the times that we can see the wall on the ultrasound- it's just empty space with fluid. So... we have two plans:
Plan A: This baby decides to come naturally and I get to deliver him at my 1st choice hospital. This hospital is a little ways away from us but their birthing philosophy and their NICU capabilities called out to me. There are a TON of rules, but they are all to protect the intimacy of the birthing experience. (For example: only one other person is allowed with me while I'm in labor. Not one at a time- just one person for the entire experience.) I love this, since last time I kept kicking everyone out and couldn't focus when the room was full. It was stressing me out and I always knew I didn't want that again, but this rule makes it so I don't have to be the bad guy. If I am able to deliver naturally I'd have to go to another hospital on a different day to have my tubes tied (this hospital is a Catholic one) so even if I end up with a medically necessary C-Section at this hospital I'd still need my tubes tied either way. This hospital is so great that I don't mind having to go back in for the procedure. Plus, in case we have another NICU need- this is the best hospital in the area for that. All the other hospitals would transport us to this one, so it makes sense to try to be there already.
Plan B: If Baby Bear doesn't come on his own by Thanksgiving, we are scheduled for a C-Section on the next day at an entirely different hospital. Because I have Gestational Diabetes they won't allow me to go longer than 39 weeks. This hospital does perform tubal ligation, so it makes sense if I end up having to have a C-Section then I should do it at the place that can perform the additional procedure. At that point we would just hope and pray for the best that Nate won't have any of the same complications as Averie and won't need a NICU. What I like about this plan, is that it's a one stop shop and I don't have to worry about scheduling an extra procedure. (and it means no December birthdays!)
I love both of these plans- mainly because I feel like I am getting set up for the best of both worlds. Luckily there are doctors at my office that have privileges in both of these hospitals, so I won't be stuck with a Doctor who doesn't know my history and complications no matter where I deliver. I also love that it's completely in Gods hands. I don't have to make the decisions. I don't have to worry and wonder if we're making the right moves at the right time. This baby can come on his own, or he'll come about a week from now. I like having an end date and 2 solid plans.
The hubby starts his vacation tomorrow so I can have the help I need (technically I am on bed rest and have been banned from traveling and driving) but because he wasn't able to be home with me it was kind of hard to adhere to. There is a house to clean, a shop to run and a toddler to run after. But now that he'll be off I'll be able to actually listen to all my doctors who have been
So my new job for the next 12 days is to enjoy what's left of this pregnancy and have fun getting his nursery ready. I already closed up shop to new orders and have finished most of the large projects. I just have a few fun things lined up once the baby's room is completely done and painted. My poor hubby is going to wish he stayed at work when he sees the to-do list I have for him!
