Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The First 6 Weeks

Right now I have the best and most exhausting job I've ever had: a full-time mom. Last week I made the decision to take off the maximum amount of time from my job to stay at home with the baby as long as possible. That does mean 13 more weeks but only 6 of them come with pay (only 50% of it I might add) and the other 7 aren't. It was a big decision but we felt that it was the best thing for the baby, and since the last 6 weeks we've been solely living off of my husband's paycheck we figured not much else would change. (I haven't received my state-disability yet, our state paperwork came with the disclaimer that they were 8-12 weeks behind in processing-FUN!) In a perfect world I would quit and stay home with her forever but our bills wouldn't allow for that. They really don't allow for it now, but we're making that sacrifice to give Averie the care she deserves- and what's better than mama? Nothing, that's what!

I am still figuring everything out when it comes to being a mom, and I only have 6 weeks of experience but I feel like I've learned so much already. I am also not afraid to admit that I've made a few mistakes already but quickly learned from them. I find it interesting that all the mommy groups/forums/igers/websites want you to classify your parenting style. I don't really feel like i fit into any of them completely (and why should I?) I had certain ideals before I had the baby, and people would always say "Yeah ok, let me know if you stick to it" and now I feel like I get pressured to 'stick' to one parenting style over the other. 6 weeks later I thought it would be interesting to go through the ideas I had while pregnant to see if we actually did follow them. I went back to previous posts and here are the things I wrote about the most...

Co-Sleeping:
BEFORE: There was no way in hell the baby was going to sleep in our bed. This was something my husband and I both agreed on.
AFTER: I am pretty proud to say that the baby has slept in her own bed in her own room since the day we brought her home. We do a night feeding around 9pm and I know she'll wake up for another one at 11pm so we have a night time routine: 9pm I feed her with the lights out (we're helping her distinguish between night and day) and then we put her in her play yard that's in our room until her next feeding. After that it's up to Daddy when she goes into her room. She typically sleeps until 3:30 and on rare occasions 5:30. I like to go to bed early and my husband is a night owl so he gets some night time cuddles in while he watches his shows and puts her to bed for us.

Baby-Wearing
BEFORE: I have read many books on the subject of Attachment Parenting and as a whole I just can't get on board. I don't think breast feeding until age 2 is for me, nor is co-sleeping and I really didn't think baby-wearing was in the cards either.
AFTER: I already had a bad back but after the first few times of trying to haul Averie in her car seat and the pain it would inflict on my back each time I am re-thinking my stance on the baby slings. I ordered one but it hasn't come in yet- I'm thinking from a practical standpoint it will be a huge asset. I can hold my baby that hates to be put down and also have my hands free at times to be productive. It will also help me to get her to and from the car and run errands. I'll have to report back once I actually get it in the mail and try it out, but my hopes are high. I also plan to vaccinate Averie despite how most baby wearing/attachment parents think.

Breast Feeding/Schedule
BEFORE: I love schedules and keeping order and looked forward to knowing that I would have to feed her every few hours. Basically I love knowing what to expect. As far as actual breast feeding, well you can read my last post to get the real skinny on that topic.
AFTER: Despite all my issues with breast feeding I am really loving it. As for the schedule? I FREAKING LOVE IT! I just love order I guess. Everyone kept telling me there was no way I would be able to stick to a schedule but because I was on top of it and worked Averie's natural patterns into it we are now pretty consistent. Our Dr encouraged it because of her jaundice and told me after 6 weeks we could let her sleep more during the day if we wanted but it was up to us. Unless an outside factor messes with it (a long car ride, an appointment that runs late ect) she eats on all the odd hours and around 3 she takes a nap from the minute she finishes eating and stays asleep the entire 2 hours so I nap with her. I stopped waking her up every 2 hours at night after the 2 week mark.

Setting Boundaries
BEFORE: My therapist helped me put steps in order to establish boundaries with family and friends for after Averies arrival. We followed through, asking the appropriate people to help and made sure to get the message out there that we needed at least 30 days before we were ready for visitors or to have anyone meet her.
AFTER: Basically not a single person listened and we were bombarded from the minute she was born. This is a hard thing to be mad at though, because when you feel that kind of love and excitement over your child from all the people you love- you naturally want to share in that with them. There were other boundaries I was worried about to, with my mom and my mother in law. I didn't try to pre-plan for them like visitors because I wasn't sure what would bother me and what wouldn't. I'm doing my best to talk to them about things as they come up but sometimes it is hard, because lets face it, there are far worse things than excited grandparents. I do have to remind them that she's MY baby and to back off a bit, but like I said it's hard to be upset over too-much love. It's a good problem to have ;)

Electronics/TV Being On
BEFORE: I felt very strongly against Averie having electronic toys or having a screen of some kind shoved in her face.
AFTER: At 6 weeks it's still hard to really prove that I still feel this way. I can say with certainty that her toys are exclusively those that rattle and squish (but that's what they should be at this age). As far as the TV being on it is, but not all of the time. My major issues with this is that both of Averie's future care givers have the tv on non-stop all day and my husband and i agree that isn't what we want Averie exposed to. Right now, I spend most of my day alone nursing and I haven't mastered the art of one-handed reading while keeping the baby latched so I do have it on during those times because it's hands free entertainment. However, many of her feedings are done in her room where I read or sing to her while she eats. I try to vary her location throughout the day and we spend a lot of time (ok I spend a lot of time) trying to get her to play and get that ever-precious tummy time in.

Date Nights
BEFORE: I always thought people who had kids that gave up their social life were pathetic. Honestly, I couldn't fathom not having any time to be a couple or time to myself. Truth be told, before I got into the mind-set of having kids I could really care less about most kids. There were a few that I shared a special bond with but they were definitely the exception. I would get bored listening to anyone talk about their kid... I said from the very beginning that I would make sure my husband and I acted like the couple we always were... but with a baby.
AFTER: I'm happy to be wrong. I am so obsessed with my daughter that I am now the one who won't shut up about their kid. My husband and I have continued to try and do little things together that we always have, but the conversation is usually on our little girl. It's definitely a transitional period of our lives that we have to continue to work on, so that we don't forget why we are here with this little one: our love for each other. It's easy to forget the little things as a couple when you have this huge task of parenting constantly on your mind. There have been many times where I sat and thought "I just want my husband back" but sleep deprivation and this huge responsibility have different effects on everyone. For me I revered back to my high school days of never sleeping just fine, but my husband isn't used to being this tired all the time. I'm sure he could tell you the things about me that are different since having a baby. Whatever changes happen, it's important to communicate them when you first notice them, instead of letting them bother you. It's also important to remember you are going through all these changes together, and have to adapt together.

Exercise
BEFORE: I was adamant that as soon as the baby is out I was going to get back into my pre-pregnancy exercise regimen.
AFTER: I am still not cleared by my doctor for any physical activity but I have been cheating with long walks with the baby since 3 weeks post pardum. My husband and I went and signed up for a local gym membership and I plan to resume all my zumba/u jamm/dance classes. I wanted to audition for a play involving tap but my physical clearance wont be granted until a few weeks after auditions.

Parenting Style
BEFORE: I honestly didn't know there were such classifications as parenting styles. I just knew people I idolized as great parents and people I would watch and put in the 'do not do when I'm a parent' file. I grew up with laid back parents while Kev grew up with very involved parents. I always liked that mine weren't all over me, but I craved their involvement in my life. I wanted to do a mixture of both.
AFTER: You kind of fall into a natural route as a parent but I made sure to do plenty of research on attachment parenting because it is what I knew the least about. I'm not sure of all the official titles but I think I do (or plan to do) a mixture of the following...
   1. Attachment parenting- the main part of this I have already applied to my parenting journey is how much Averie is in my arms. Seriously, my kid is never put down until its into her crib at night. One of the reasons is because of her acid reflux- we were told to hold her upright as much as possible to help her and the other reason is that she is so much happier in someones arms and will wail when I try to put her down or lay her down. The good part of that is she isn't solely attached to me- she really doesn't care who is holding her. You can't spoil a child this young by holding her all the time, all it does is show her you're there. I really like the philosophy of showing your baby through love and cuddles that you care and are present for her and her needs.
   2. "Fockerizing" A friend of mine told me about this with her daughter. If you've seen Meet the Parents you will understand. Basically you just shower your child with love and give constant encouragement. Averie is just starting to make noises other than cries (and even started laughing today!) and consistently rolls over from her tummy to her back... each of these is met with tons of cheering on my part, encouraging words and TONS of kisses.
   3. Affirmative parenting- I first heard about this kind of positive affirmation therapy from a friend who works with autistic kids as a behavioral therapist. She told me that instead of saying "No, don't do that" - because honestly who listens after they hear 'no' child or adult - you say what you would like instead. Here is the example she gave me for when a child is jumping on the bed. Instead of saying "No! Don't jump on the bed!" you focus on the positive outcome you would like and say "Feet on the floor" I'm not sure if I'm even calling it the right thing, but when I talked to my therapist about it she gave me a few books that talk about ways to avoid shutting down behaviors and focusing on what is causing them and how to steer a bad behavior into a positive outcome. Obviously this is going to take a while to work on, but even now when she is crying I try to say things like "Let me hear it, tell me what's wrong" instead of telling her to be quiet.

Baby Care (Gross stuff)
BEFORE: I swore up and down I wouldn't change a poopy diaper.. that I went through enough being pregnant that any gross diapers would be my husbands realm. That included any puke or boogers.
AFTER: I actually look forward to all diapers. I love any excuse to meet her needs. It's amazing how much your life changes after you have a baby, and the things that make you happy.

Being By-The-Book
BEFORE: I stayed by the book for my entire pregnancy and did what I was told. I was high risk, so I had a lot of reason to follow instructions. I planned to do the same as situations came up with the baby.
AFTER: I still have a hard time with smile-and-nod situations but I have stuck to whatever my books or pediatrician told us to do. I just don't think that another mom's suggestion 'because it worked for me' reasoning is better than someone with a medical degree. This also goes with the vaccination debate that seems to happen daily on the forums. I see the benefits far outweigh the negatives and want to take every precaution to protecting my daughter.

Having Another Kid:
BEFORE: In the midst of my pregnancy you couldn't have offered me a million dollars to have another baby. Even with Mason, I had a miserable pregnancy and hated being pregnant both times. Being pregnant really isn't for me. Some people love it, but I am not one of them and find no shame in admitting it.
AFTER: I am already counting down the months until we are going to try again. I don't know when the switch flipped... I'm not sure if it was after childbirth, or if it's creeped up in the weeks as I fall more and more in love with Averie. I can tell you with certainty it wasn't in those first 2 weeks of post pardum recovery- that was a bitch and I still don't want to deal with it but I would for another baby. The crappy parts of being pregnant even feel like a distant memory. I miss feeling Averie move around in my belly and can't wait for the actual birthing experience again. I never thought I would feel this way... in fact I had done legitimate research on surrogacy and adoption! The countdown is on to try for Logan Reilly (can you tell we'd like a boy this time?)

Monday, April 8, 2013

Breast feeding for Dummies

Breast feeding... of all the things I willingly talk about this is one of the hardest for me to actually bring up. Blunt honesty is usually my forte, but for some reason I have a hard time sharing when it comes to breast feeding. I'm finding that I'm not as mature as I thought I was, and get embarrassed when talking about my chest and my breast feeding journey. Mainly because I have to virtually describe my boobs for you to understand my nursing troubles. I was really up in the air about nursing at all throughout my pregnancy but I'm glad that I ultimately decided to do it, I just wish someone (or my books for that matter) had told me the truth or given me a realistic glance into what my chest would be going through. So, although it makes me a little uncomfortable to put it all out there- literally and figuratively- let me be the one to give you the honest story on breast feeding. I'll warn you ahead of time, this is a long one so I've broken it up into topics... feel free to skip around.

FREE Breast Pump
This is the most valuable information I learned and must pass it on so more people can take advantage of it. Most insurance companies 100% cover the cost of your breast pump. We were given a hand-held single pump by a friend who didn't end up using hers (never take a used one) but the lactation consultant told me I would need an electric one. Well, they're pretty expensive so I wasn't going to get one until a friend told me about insurance covering them. You have to do a little extra work- calling your insurance to get the supplier info, placing the order, and the long waiting game that comes along with using insurance but it is totally worth it. I could only choose from 2 models but I had done a little research and asked for the one closest to the Madela model. It took about 2 weeks to ship, so place your order before the baby comes. I didn't know about this until after Averie was born so I had to rent one from the hospital but it was less than $25 for 2 weeks... no biggie.

Lactation Consultants
I'm not one to whip out my boobs for anyone but as soon as Averie was born I didn't care who was in the room and who was putting their hands on me to help me nurse her. Really, all modesty went out the window the minute I checked into the hospital. Don't be afraid to get all the help and ask all the questions you may have while still in the hospital because once you check out help is harder to come by. There is a group called the Le Leche League but in my opinion they are very aggressive when it comes to breast feeding and I found they rarely answer my actual question and spend more time explaining to me why I have to continue breast feeding (something I wasn't questioning in the first place) It stinks that in a world where doctors really push the benefits of breast feeding that insurance covers breast pumps but NOT a lactation consultant post pardum.

I call BS!
Everyone in the medical field will tell you that breast feeding isn't supposed to hurt... BULL SHIT! Especially for the first timers- it does! I don't care who tells you it doesn't.. it does. It sucks. I was actually at the point where I was dreading each feeding. It is incredibly painful even if the baby is latched on correctly because your nipples aren't used to be stimulated 12 times a day for hours at a time. There are times when she is unlatching and inadvertently gives me a purple-nurple. I still would have nursed, but I wish someone would have just told me it hurts so I knew what to expect. What you don't want to do is listen to mom's and grandma's that will tell you to 'toughen up' your nipples ahead of time. It makes the pain worse- in fact all you really want to do to your nipples is wash them with warm water and that's it... no soap, no creams, no toughening... they will do what they are supposed to on their own (and yes, it's going to hurt at first).

Ok this is the part that makes me really uncomfortable but it could help someone else with the same problem. I have a really large chest and apparently I have flat nipples. I never knew I had flat nipples because they were always... well lets just say they did what they were supposed to when they were supposed to so I never thought about their shape. I guess most women's nipples are longer and thicker (someone told me theirs closely resembled a pool que lol) and those women have a much easier time breast feeding. What this meant for me is I had to rely more on non-traditional positioning of the baby (the football hold and laying on my side) and I have to hand express some milk before each feeding so she doesn't have any issues latching on. I wanted to quit every day but I didnt... I had to tell myself to take it one day at a time otherwise I would have quit counting down the first 6 weeks.

I am told establishing a nursing relationship takes about 6 weeks for first timers. Babies are born ready to suck, but without knowledge on how to nurse so women with my challenges take a little more manipulating before a proper latch can happen. Luckily, in only 4 weeks Averie and I have gotten into a pretty good routine but it was extremely rough leading up to that point and sometimes it still is. Add in the fact that Averie was in the SCN for 6 days with bottle feedings in the beginning I had a lot working against me. The first time they let me nurse her in the SCN she got a bad latch and caused some raised milk ducts which was very painful... when it finally healed I developed a 'crack' in my nipple (this is common so pay attention so this doesn't happen to you). The crack ended up opening and became very very painful. So painful that I still can't nurse her on that side- it's been a few weeks- but it's finally on the mend. What I didn't know is after each feeding if you hand express some milk and rub it on that nipple, then let it air dry- it can prevent all these complications. So, let my pain be a learning opportunity for you! I am terrified of ending up with lopsided boobs from her nursing on one side so I make sure to pump the other side after each feeding.

Baby Bonding
I didn't feel that instantaneous bond to my baby once she started nursing. I did feel it the moment she came out but I kept hearing from everyone and books that I would feel a special connection to her once she started nursing. For many women, this is their favorite part of having a newborn. I didn't experience that feeling, at least not surrounding feedings. Maybe it was because of her having bottles right away in the SCN, or because of all the complications with what i now lovingly call my 'bum nip' but I just didn't have that ah-ha moment. I did get ridiculously excited the first time she successfully latched that I made my husband take pictures. Yes, I am that crazy mom. There are things I do love about nursing, I'm not sure if I'll be able to describe them well but I will try. I love listening to her nurse... that little gulping noise she makes at the beginning for some reason makes me smile. It's just the cutest little noise that lets me know she's getting what she needs and it makes me proud. I love the face she makes immediately after she unlatches. It's kind of like a grumpy pouty face where her lower lip comes up and covers her top lip and her eyebrows are so expressive. I haven't taken a picture I can post because my boob is usually out haha. She doesn't make it with a bottle, just after nursing from me... and I love it.

Things I Didn't Know...
We've been living with my family for a year now and it is great having extra hands when I need them. The thing I didn't anticipate was how lonely breast feeding could be even with a house full of people. Because the baby was nursing every 1 1/2 hours in the beginning and I had to pump the other side for a minimum of 20 minutes I spend most of my time alone with the baby in my room with the door closed. I have a modesty cover but I'm not comfortable using it yet because we are still perfecting our latch. I've used it once at family's house but I still had to go into another room. I'm hoping to become more confident as times goes on so I don't have to be stuck at home all the time. It's hard to do anything when she nurses for over 30 minutes each time and then I have to pump for 20... by the time I take a minute to eat or use the rest room it's time to start all over again. With the amount of time I spend topless, we definitely need our own place next time.

Bouncing from boob to bottle is supposed to be a no-no. I didn't have a choice in the beginning. I only had Averie with me for the first 13 hours of her life and she did not latch on at all the first time the nurses had me feed her. I use the word feed lightly because your milk doesn't come in for about 4-5 days after birth (something else I didn't know). They had to give her bottles in the SCN and I made my concerns known but it really was what was best for her in the beginning. They could feed her a bottle under the bili lights without compromising her level of care. As soon as they allowed I started nursing, but it was rough so they ended up supplementing with formula or the small amount of milk i pumped after each feeding. I actually find this a blessing because now she can transition from my chest to a bottle and back again.

The original plan was to nurse exclusively but I had to adapt, and it turned out to be a blessing. It allows for me to get some extra sleep in the middle of the night when my husband gets up to give her a feeding. They get some bonding time and I get extra sleep... it's a win/win. I keep reading that you're not supposed to introduce a pacifier or a bottle until the nursing relationship is well established. However, if we have more kids I'm going to keep the same routine: 1-2 bottle feedings in a 24 hour period so I can give my chest a break or run errands during a feeding. It makes me feel like I have some control instead of a feeding machine.

Cluster Feedings
I didn't even know these existed until a few weeks ago. Right before she hit 2 weeks she wanted to eat literally every hour on the dot. I thought there was something wrong with my milk supply until I did some research and found out that was a regular growth-spurt interval. At her 2 week checkup I saw all that feeding had payed off.. she grew over an inch and a half and put on 10 ounces. it made the insanity, and the very sore nipples all worth it. She's 4 weeks today and she was back to cluster feeding all last week so I'm thinking there's another growth spurt in the works.

Making Milk
Enhancing milk supply is something you can actually do. You have to be careful not to do too much too soon though because you can cause yourself to become engorged which hurts... a lot. Having a beer can actually help because of the brewer's yeast in it. It also helps you to relax which helps your milk let down. A friend of mine made me some fenugreek cookies while Averie was in the SCN which helped a lot since I pumped every 2 hours just to bring her something of mine to eat at each feeding. I'm at a point now where I'll need to help myself produce more milk again because of my bum nip... she's completely draining the good side and is hungry about an hour later. All will be fixed once I can nurse on both sides but I'll have to help my body along in the mean time.

Will I Do It All Again?
Breast milk really is the best thing for her, and if I had to do it all over again with another baby I wouldn't hesitate. Pain and all it's completely worth it. Even though I didn't experience what movies and books told me I would, I wouldn't change a thing. Actually... I'll definitely make sure to express milk at the end of each feeding and air dry EVERY time haha!

Monday, April 1, 2013

March Madness

I can't believe its already April!!! Where did the time go? Oh yeah... to my beautiful newborn baby! Averie Belle was born on March 11th at 11:50pm. She was 7 pounds, 4 ounces and 19 inches long. She looks like her daddy... I'm hoping some of me will come out eventually but right now she is Daddy's mini-me and absolutely beautiful. She is already showing her personality at 3 weeks old and I can't wait to get to know my daughter. My daughter. It sounds so weird and so amazing at the same time. I still can't believe after everything 2012 put us through, and after this rough pregnancy my whole life has changed. Let me go back a bit and tell you about our month of March.

March 10th I went to the hospital as scheduled to begin the inducing process. I have to ask for your patience on the rest of Averie's birth story as it definitely deserves it's own post but I'm not sure she will stay asleep long enough for me to write it tonight (oh the life of a new mom!) The short version is I was in labor for 26 hours, only pushed for 20 minutes (don't ask me how many pushes I have no clue) and she was 10 minutes from being born on the 12th. I promise the whole story is worth waiting for.

March 12th Averie was only 11 hours old when the lactation consultant made a comment that Averie looked a little yellow. I didn't know what that meant and honestly didn't see it so I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later the hospital's pediatrician came in and examined her but didn't say anything to make us worry. 2 hours later she returned and informed us she wanted to admit Averie into the Special Care Nursery (a step below the NICU- but equally as scary in my opinion) for jaundice. I couldn't believe that I had barely spent a night with my baby and they already wanted to take her away. Especially when I didn't even see the yellowing in the skin that they kept talking about, she was just my perfect baby. We didn't have much time to think or adjust to the situation because just minutes later they were taking her to the SCN.

Unfortunately at that exact moment some family came to visit the baby (not knowing of course what was going on) and I knew more were going to show up. Instead of breaking down and crying while my husband and my baby disappeared (I couldn't go I was experiencing heavy bleeding and was supposed to stay off my feet) I had to put on a brave face for the family that was in front of me and had to inform all the upcoming visitors there wasn't anyone to visit at this point. All I wanted was to have a minute to process everything and be with my husband but I didn't get that- I had to entertain and pretend to be ok. (Although I'll admit I probably did a horrible job.) Here she is in the SCN:



Jaundice is still confusing to me, so here is the WebMD.com explanation of it: "Jaundice is a condition that makes a newborn’s skin and the white part of the eyes look yellow. It happens because there is too much bilirubin in the baby’s blood (hyperbilirubinemia). Bilirubin is a substance that is made when the body breaks down old red blood cells. Jaundice usually is not a problem. But in rare cases, too much bilirubin in the blood can cause brain damage (kernicterus). This can lead to hearing loss, intellectual disability, and behavior problems.

Averie's bilirubin was extremely high for only being 13 hours old, so we are extremly thankful to the lactation consultant that spoke up about her hunch, because she saved our baby from having serious complications. Averie's case was unique because she has my husband's blood type instead of mine, again it's hard to explain so I'm going to let WebMD do it: "People without Rh factor on the surface of their blood cells are Rh-negative and have Rh incompatibility with blood that is Rh-positive. This incompatibility means that when exposed to Rh-positive blood more than once, the immune systems of people with Rh-negative blood produce antibodies to destroy the Rh-positive blood cells." Basically she had mine and Kev's blood type fighting it out... They had her in one of those enclosed plastic incubator-looking cubes under bililights. The lights helped her body get rid of the bilirubin through poop of all things.

My husband and I were the only ones who could go into the SCN because it was full of babies but honestly I was a little glad for their rules. All I cared about was Averie getting better and I was happy not to have to worry about accommodating every one's visits or to deal with their emotions. Our families are amazing and super supportive and for most of Averie's grandparents she's the first baby and I knew what was happening was happening to everyone but I just couldn't care about them: my entire focus was on my baby. Averie was in the SCN for 6 days. I was only in the hospital for 3 but I had some incredible nurses that hid me in an unused room for an extra day so I could be close. The rest of those days were spent going back and forth from our home to the hospital (which thankfully was only 10 mins away) for each feeding. Every three hours we went to the hospital, but it was worth it because we were with our baby.

At first we weren't even allowed to hold her then each day it got a little better... they started letting us hold her for 20 mins (long enough to give her a bottle) and then it got longer and longer and finally on day 4 they let me try to breast feed. (Also worth it's own post later) It took a while but she got it, and I didn't mind how long it took because that meant we got to hold her longer. On day 5 her yo-yoing bili levels finally went down enough to take her off the lights but not enough to come home. We spent our 8 year anniversary as a couple at the hospital, but 2 days later, on our 2 year wedding anniversary we got the best present: Averie got to come home! It also happened to be St Patricks Day so we came prepared with an adorable clover outfit- it really was adorable, even the nurses wanted to take pictures of her. Here she is: my everything



She's 3 weeks old now and is doing great. We've had a couple of follow up appointments and her bili levels have continued to improve. She still has a little yellowing to her skin, but the pediatrician said that will last until she's a few months old. I still don't really see it, to me she's perfect. At her 2 week checkup she gained 10 ounces and 1.5 inches. She is growing so much, even her adorable puffy cheeks are starting to go away... which I hate because I'm obsessed with those cheeks! She is a super smiley baby. No really, she smile's non-stop. People don't believe me until they meet her and see it for themselves. She is very mellow, which my husband and I appreciate, and hoping it lasts but not holding our breath lol.

Motherhood is amazing. It's completely different than what I thought it would be. I thought after a few weeks I would be ready for a break... and sometimes I am for maybe 10 minutes, not going to lie... but I never knew I could love something so much. I thought I was as obsessed with my husband as much as one person could be, but then I saw him holding my daughter and it's like I grew another heart and it's so full. I  never really believed people when they said it changed their whole lives but I'm here to confirm its true. It's only been 3 weeks and I already have no idea what I was doing with my life before her. Literally nothing in my life has made more sense than being her mom. It's amazing how quickly the switch is flipped and your whole world and sense of being changes. It's truly amazing.

For Easter we had decided long ago that we didn't want to do anything. We knew Averie would only be a few weeks old and traveling was definitely out of the question, especially because the baby is 99% breastfed. (Kev gives her a bottle of my expressed milk at night so I can get a little break and some sleep) and honestly... i JUST freakin gave birth... I don't care about keeping up appearances for a holiday right now lol My husband and I just wanted to stay home and enjoy our baby. He made us dinner which is always nice, and we dressed her in a beautiful dress from her Godmom and we stayed home and cuddled in bed most of the day. I took advantage of my husband being home and got some laundry done too- it's funny how a great day's definition changes as your priorities change isn't it?

April should be more of the same... me at home with the baby enjoying our alone time together. We are hoping to have a gathering where the rest of the family can meet her (only our parents and siblings have met her thus far- we've asked everyone else to hold off so we can have time as a family to get adjusted) and of course my birthday is next week. I've asked for cash, my car cleaned and a tattoo for my birthday. I want to get Averie's footprint tattooed next to Mason's on my back. The cash is for new clothes- I've lost over 30lbs since Averie was born and I'm hoping to loose more once the doctors give me the ok to work out. I haven't looked this skinny in YEARS and I'm loving it! Hopefully I'll get a chance to update before the end of the month. Stay tuned for Averie's birth story and my breastfeeding journey. I hope everyone had a blessed Easter!