the Secret Life of the Bookworm

I love to read, i have ever since i was a little girl. My dad and i would cuddle and he would read to me until i was old enough to read to him. I still remember the first book we ever read together: BFG by Roald Dahl. I remember being impressed with myself every time i was able to read one of his crazy made up words, and the smile my dad would get on his face when i would read a difficult word without having to sound it out.

In Jr High and High School i would hide the fact that i would carry around books, and i didn't tell people, but i LOVED that my high school had a mandatory reading period. Other kids would groan every single day, and i would join in, but have my book in my hand ready to go before the bell rang. Sometimes when i didn't feel like going out with my friends, i would tell them i was too busy with homework, or that my parents were 'making' me stay in and i would hide out in my room with snacks and read for hours. I get frustrated on the stretches where i have to work back to back shifts because my only opportunity to read is during my never long enough lunch breaks, or leave my husband in the living room to snuggle with our animals and read a few hours before we have to go to bed.

Its a bittersweet thing that the books stores are closing all around us. I was very happy to still have a Borders close to where i work, and even though i have a kindle (and i love it probably more than i should) i would sometimes walk around on my lunch breaks and just be around the books. I know that probably sounds strange, but its something i must have gotten from my dad. There is a little thrill that comes from perusing the different sections and the treasure hunt of a new book. My favorite experiences doing this have always been when i was travelling and came across a little ma and pa shop, i think it has to due with the atmosphere. Does anyone understand what I'm describing or do i sound like a total loser?

Early on in our relationship (back when he did stuff because he was still trying ha ha) we would lie together and read aloud to one another. The funny part of this story was that it was the first Harry Potter (if that tells you how long ago this was) but he was never really into it, he just did it to make me happy. Now, i carry books (or my kindle) around with me everywhere i go because you never know when you are going to get a chance to read. I am still made fun of for our trip to Chicago when everyone was in awe of the buildings around us and the city... and this is what i was doing...

I am not embarrassed to say i was reading Twilight for the first time (all the books had already been published- i usually think I'm not going to like something if everyone is obsessed with it but my little sister Lili dared me to read the first book on the plane and i spent the rest of my trip tracking down the other 3 in various Walmarts haha)

I don't know why i am obsessed with reading books that are movies, but it is one of those things i almost cant stop myself from doing. As soon as i see a preview for a movie that was based on a book i am all consumed in finding that book and reading it before the movie comes out. Most of the time i think it makes watching the movie or tv show better, (like Twilight, Harry Potter, Pretty Little Liars, Dear John, Revolutionary Road, and I'm sure i will be adding the Help to that list once i see it). There have only been a few times where i have been disappointed, but i was also disappointed with the book so it was no surprise (i am referring to the Lovely Bones which got all this attention, and in my opinion sucked!)

I am also obsessed with books written by celebrities. Its a known quirk of mine that i love celebrities and am all knowing of their lives. They also tend to be really great writers. Some that surprised me and turned out to be some of my favorites are Chelsey Handler, Rob Lowe, Tina Fey, Lauren Conrad, and Lucielle Ball - just to name a few.

To conclude my all over the place taste in books (my iPod artists would reflect this as well) i also love the books that you wouldn't hear about on tv or in magazines, because you have to discover them yourself. The unknowns, as i like to refer to them. To list them would be pointless, since no one has heard of them lol but i have found some real gems by trusting the description on the back cover.

All this is a result of my latest visit to the going out of business Boarders near me. I picked up 6 books and paid less than $40 for them. I am happy my pocketbook is not empty, but i am sad that soon i wont have the option to explore the books, to feel them, smell them, and just get lost in the unknowns... What kind of books is everyone else into? What is it that you like to read?

Here is my 'que' of books if you will that i have scored from going to the closing sale every paycheck... its quite long and it doesn't include the multitude of books i have downloaded onto my kindle waiting to be read...

"The Wedding Girl" by Madeline Wickham (she is also known as Sophie Kinsella)
"Something Borrowed" and "Something Blue" by Emily Giffin
"My Booky Wook" by Russell Brand
"The Day I Shot Cupid" by Jennifer Love Hewitt
"The Suicide Index" by Joan Wickersham
"The No Asshole Rule" by Robert Sutton (to help me with my management skills)
"My Horizontal Life" by Chelsea Handler
"Mean Little Deaf Queer" by Terry Galloway
"The Private John Lennon" by Julia Baird (his sister)
"The Blind Side" by Michael Lewis (this is the only one i didn't wait until i saw the movie)
"One Day" by David Nicholls

I am also looking for the book that inspired 'i love you phillip morris' but i have been unsuccessful... At some point i need to finish the many books that i have started to write myself but get stuck and move on to the next. One day i suppose i will finish one and then maybe i will become an unknown ;)

Which one should i read first?

Two for the Money

Although i have no idea what that movie is about, i liked the title so i stole it for this post. I am hoping to gain some advice on what the best system is to manage our two lives (and dollars) coming into one.

Before we got married we had separate accounts and we were always pulling cash out to give to the other to balance our bills or outings. When we decided to move in together we started taking turns paying certain bills, and eventually fell into the regular routine of each of us taking care of the same bills and it all evened out perfectly.

When we got engaged we decided to open a joint savings account for the wedding, and we had automatic transfers from our separate account going into the savings account that we happily referred to as our fun money. Unfortunately, now that we live on our own we are transferring money in and out of that account almost daily, which apparently is a problem for our bank.

About a month ago, Kevin messed up big time with out of our bills, and it really screwed us over. I was absolutely and insanely mad about the whole situation, feeling like if i wanted it done right i should do it myself. However, i don't have the freaking time to do it myself, so i started to get upset that i couldn't count on my husband to take care of it when i already had so much on my plate. I spent about a week absolutely furious with him, and he spent that entire week trying to make it up to me. Of course he never meant to mess up, and these things happen, but at the time i just felt like i had had enough when it came to money and i was sick of talking about it.

Then i realized (after i was done being mad of course) that i don't want money to be a thing that i get upset about with my husband. I don't want it to be one of the things we fight about, and until that time, it had stayed out of the things we ever had to have conversations about. So, we are looking to change that. I want to get something straight, we are by no means 'rollin in dough' but we aren't scraping the bottom of the barrel (most of the time) we live somewhere in the middle, occasionally with a little extra and sometimes figuring out which bills will be paid late. So how do you manage it?

I have gotten the advice that we should just close our separate accounts and only have a joint- but we each spend a lot of time making sure our own accounts stay current that it kind of freaks me out to have 2 people spending from the same account at the same time. On the other hand, having to transfer back and forth is no way to manage successfully either...

So i put it out there to all of you, what is working for you and what isn't? Help a newlywed out ;)

To procreate or not to procreate...

If you have read the notes i sometimes post on my facebook, then you know that my opinion on expanding our family changes on a daily basis. Literally.

There are times when i watch my husband with the various children in our life, and i see the gentle and loving side of him come out, and it literally feels like my heart is melting in my chest. There is a different dynamic to my husband and i. If we were to have kids, we know that one of us would like to be able to stay home with them until they are ready for pre-school. That person would probably not be me.

I love kids, and i know that i would be over the moon for my own but i dont think i could survive every day at home. I am blown away by the many people who can, i admire them even. However, I need stimulation, i need to have adult conversations, i need to be on my own schedule. Kevin is the most patient one of us, and lets face it- he is more domestic than i am. We joke about him being a stay at home dad, but i think he secretly loves the idea. I'll admit now- i do too! I would love to be the one that goes out and makes the moolah and then comes home to enjoy my family while he takes some time to relax.

On the other hand, i was at Borders the other day reaping the benefits of their going out of business sale. I was perusing around and i went into one of my favorite sections (psychology) and there it was, a copy of the newest edition of What to Expect When You're Expecting and i started to have a mini panick attack. All these questions starting running though my head: What if i can never buy a hard copy book again? What if i can and its an arm and a leg to get? Isn't this the kind of book you need a physical copy of? How do you stick post-its with ideas and thoughts on a kindle? Wouldnt my color coding highlighting system be best for this book? And then i realized that i had started to sweat and i had to walk away from the book.

As soon as i was in the next isle i was able to calm down and start perusing again and before i knew it i had worked my way back over to that stupid book again. It felt like it was pulling me towards it, so me being the stubborn brat i can be just stood there staring at the book, trying to tell myself that i was being stupid. If i thought it was smart to buy this book (at 30% off mind you) then just buy it- why do i have to feel weird about it. I picked it up and instantly felt this calm settle over me. It was the strangest feeling, especially because i was in the middle of a busy going out of business sale and no one around me was any wiser to the mini drama i had just experienced.

When i got home and started showing Kevin all the books i got i immediatley felt like i had to justify it to him. My husband, he isnt so good at hiding his feelings so i was nervous to his reaction. To my relief, he thought it was cute and i only got an eye roll at my bit of crazy, instead of the lecture i thought i would get. It hit me then, that if this is something that we know we are going to eventually pursue, why do i have to feel strange about educating myself. Isnt that what your supposed to do if your going to take on a new challenge, or something you've never done before? Why do i feel the need to justify this to anyone- i can read about something that will one day be in our future, and its really no one else's business.

This is something i would like to work on, to let the pressures of being a newlywed melt away and just focus on how i actually feel instead of what im supposed to feel.